IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
Nowadays, modern people are more concerned about gender issues than in the past. Some people believe the rights of females are totally equal to males.
However
, In my view, there are still some situations which are unfair to
women
, especially in employment circumstances. I will give my own explanations.
First
 of all, companies provide inequality benefits and conditions for female employees.
Although
 the government legislates relevant laws to protect
women
, most companies still supply different pay to
women
 while men and
women
 do the same work.
Additionally
, employers reject hiring married
women
 or
women
 who plan to have an infant lately. Because employers are unwilling to pay or keep the job position for female employees when
women
 leave for childbirth.
Secondly
,
Women
 pay more for common household items than men do. It is obvious to see that, according to their natural physical condition,
women
 and girls need to spend extra expenses every month.
Moreover
, females can not refuse to pay tampon tax.
Finally
, taking care of a baby is a woman's responsibility. The modern community still thinks looking after a baby is the only responsibility for
women
,
thus
,
this
 situation forces females to give up their careers to stay home. It
also
 causes mothers to have unequal economic status in families. In conclusion, even if people have common knowledge of gender, the government sets up laws to prevent unfair situations from happening to
women
. While there are many companies that care more about the company's profits than respect the right of
women
 to achieve.
Submitted by m064611 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: