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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Hobbies
Use synonyms
 are
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 do in their spare time.They have
Add an article
an aspect
the aspect
show examples
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
 of
entertaining
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
 and there is no monetary incentive behind them.Many
claim
Change to a plural noun
claims
show examples
 that the enjoyment of a hobby is inextricably linked to its level of difficulty.
Although
Linking Words
 there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 to justify
this
Linking Words
 idea,I entirely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Body paragraph 1
Primarily, choosing an activity as a hobby is directly related to
people
Use synonyms
's personality traits.
For instance
Linking Words
, introverted
people
Use synonyms
 who are usually calm and taciturn are more interested in mental
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as writing a poem which is an outpour of thoughts or painting as their
hobbies
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
, extroverted ones who are more adventurous show a tendency for high-risk
activities
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as climbing a high mountain which consists
lots
Change preposition
of lots
show examples
 of twists and turns or diving in the ocean to see aquatic creatures.
This
Linking Words
 Lind of
Use synonyms
hobbies
Fix the agreement mistake
hobby
show examples
 can lead to
release
Correct article usage
the release
show examples
more
Change preposition
of more
show examples
 adrenaline in
people
Use synonyms
's blood and give them a sense of
exciting
Replace the word
excitement
show examples
 and happiness.
Thus
Linking Words
, the amount of enjoyment of a hobby depends on
people
Use synonyms
's way of thinking and varies from person to person.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are another group of
people
Use synonyms
 whose jobs play
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 role of entertaining
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Them and they do them even in their free time in order to take off the pressure and rejuvenate their mind, musicians, painters and writers are of
this
Linking Words
 group. A
musicion
Correct your spelling
musician
 may write a new symphony, a painter
create
Change the verb form
creates
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
art work
Correct your spelling
artwork
show examples
 or a writer can start
their
Change the word
a
show examples
 new novel in their spare time.It seems their jobs and their
hobbies
Use synonyms
 are sort of intertwined .
Conclusion
To sum up, Whilst it is claimed by many
people
Use synonyms
 that there is a direct relation between the amount of enjoyment of
activity
Add an article
the activity
show examples
 and its level of difficulty, the meaning of
enjoyable
Replace the word
enjoyment
show examples
 differs among
people
Use synonyms
 based on their characteristic features.Some of them are fond of strange
activities
Use synonyms
 while the other ones have
preference
Add an article
a preference
show examples
 for mental
activities
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unique challenge
  • personal growth
  • mastery
  • accomplishment
  • demanding
  • thrill of achievement
  • pastimes
  • fostering
  • sense of community
  • mindfulness
  • stress relief
  • mental break
  • daily stressors
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