IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Multicultural societies, which are a mixture of different ethnic groups, bring more benefits than drawbacks for a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this conclusion?

#societies #mixture #groups #country #conclusion
With the development of globalization, a multicultural
nation
 which mixes different ethnical groups become more normal around the world. Whether these
civilization
Change the determiner
civilizations
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more advantages than disadvantages has caused a heated debate. My view is that I totally agree that they have more benefits than drawbacks. It is obvious that
multicultural
Correct article usage
a multicultural
show examples
nation
 will have long-term progress by absorbing different suggestions from people from different cultural backgrounds.
This
 means that when governments make decisions, they are willing to hear different voices to perfect their policies, which satisfies their citizens to keep the
nation
 stably and peacefully.
As a result
,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
multicultural society can form a stable environment and improve the pleasure and happiness of citizens.
Moreover
, a country with multiple
cultures
 can have
further
 developments in its economy through blooming
cultures
.
For example
, Chinese culture which is a gigantic mixture of 56 regions attracts worldwide attention and contributes great income to the national recession. Through the protection and exploration of ethnic
cultures
, Chinese culture can spread widely, and China can develop tourism and cultural industries. It is
also
 true that multicultural
nation
Fix the agreement mistake
nations
show examples
 have some drawbacks. Public from different cultural backgrounds may have diverse traditions and habits, so it will be difficult to regulate because we must respect them. Meanwhile, some odd traditions which do not suit modern civilization should be discarded. There is no doubt that multicultural
civilization
Fix the agreement mistake
civilizations
show examples
 have more strengths that enhance the national recession than weaknesses they have.
Although
 some
cultures
 are hard to regulate and understand, the government can be more stable and develop the economy by utilizing various
cultures
.
Submitted by 854136874 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: