IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Employers should focus on personal qualities over qualifications and experience when choosing someone for job. Yo what extent do you agree with this?

#employers #focus #qualities #qualifications #someone #job #yo
Depending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature every human has some
qualities
 like good or bad.So personal
qualities
 may be important but I think
employers
Change noun form
employers'
employer's
show examples
 main focus is on qualifications as well as
experience
 while
recuriting
Correct your spelling
recruiting
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 on a
job
. To commence with,vacancies have some educational
creteria
Correct your spelling
criteria
.To explain it,whenever
recuritment
Correct your spelling
recruitment
 is published whether it is
private
Correct article usage
a private
show examples
 or public firm there is some basic
education
 eligibility
which
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 a
recuriter
Correct your spelling
recruiter
 must
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 while applying for a
job
.
Then
 employees with
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
education
 qualification
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 considered
first
.
For example
,In 2012 when I applied for the post
clerk
Change preposition
of clerk
show examples
 the minimum qualification is
up-to
Correct your spelling
up to
show examples
 graduation.So students above
bachelor is
Correct your spelling
bachelor's
show examples
considered
Add a missing verb
are considered
show examples
first
.
As a result
,there is competition among the youth and
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 with higher degrees will get a good
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
.
Secondly
,
experience
add
Change the verb form
adds
show examples
 some points
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 his/her
job
 profile.To explicate it,
experience
qualities
increases
Change the verb form
increase
show examples
 the chances of getting the seat .A person
having
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 educational qualifications,one
is have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
five year
Add a hyphen
five-year
show examples
Change preposition
of
show examples
experience
 while
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 is fresher,so a
recuriter
Correct your spelling
recruiter
 having
a
Change the article
an
show examples
experience
 will consider
first
 because he has
five year
Add a hyphen
five-year
show examples
experience
Change preposition
of experience
show examples
.
For instance
,A survey was conducted by the
Job
 Employees Firm.It has been found that both private or Government departments preferred those employees who have
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 good
experience
 as well as
higher
Add an article
a higher
the higher
show examples
 level of
education
.
Therefore
,while studying
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 prefer to work to gain some
experience
. To conclude,not only private but now
Goverment
Correct your spelling
Government
 sectors are
also
 earning some profits.So they need professionals who have an
experience
 and
education
 rather than only
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
personal
qualities
.
Submitted by kaurgurdeep00 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
What to do next:
Look at other essays: