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Band 4.5

Young people learn more about good behavior from books or films/movies than they learn from real-life experiences. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #behavior #books #films #movies #experiences
With the explosion of the publishing and cinema industry in recent decades, youngsters are choosing digital and printing content
such
 as novels and movies to learn positive behaviours rather than real-life cases like people in the past. Several individuals agreed with
this
 motivation
while
 the opposite one
don
Verb problem
did
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 not. In my perspective, both approaches should be considered in terms of their unique effectiveness. On the
first
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, literary masterpieces and films give more
various
Replace the word
varied
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 and certificated knowledge
as well as
the
Correct article usage
an
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 easier effort to practice behaviours.
For instance
, a book and film ’s contents must be well reviewed by the publisher, so that only qualified content appears on it.
Moreover
, most knowledge on those platforms is gathered from renowned people or university studies which took a long period for them to realize and conclude. Readers and watched do not have to experience those difficulties and have
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
 to search and practice more behaviours. On the
second
Correct word choice
other
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 hand, real-life experiences deliver specific
situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations
show examples
 of behaviour which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 sometimes unlisted or unrecorded in studies.
Besides
, most printed works are established to provide general situations and may not be accurate to the reader’s conditions. A good example can be witnessed in civilians living in modest nations who can’t acquire the behaviour of developed ones namely drinking coffee in the morning or spending time for golf.
Therefore
, the guides from volumes and movies may not be correct
in particular
 circumstances which can only be observed in
real-life
Correct your spelling
real life
show examples
. In conclusion, both methods have their own advantage despite the trend to use movies and tome as a way to learn positive stories from young people. They should not underestimate the position of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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practical knowledge
as a result
 of their value in specific and unlisted publication
Submitted by phuongthao.3822 on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay demonstrates a basic level of coherence and cohesion. There is a logical structure in some parts of the essay, but it lacks consistency and clarity. Your introduction and conclusion need improvement to better present and summarize your ideas.
task achievement
Your response to the task is somewhat complete, but it lacks depth and clarity. You need to provide more comprehensive ideas and use more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. Additionally, make sure to present a clear position in response to the prompt and support it throughout your essay.
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