Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
contemporary epoch, whilst opponents hold the belief that pupils should be taught extra-curricular activities
while
studying other syllabi, proponents and I have a
diverse Correct article usage
apply
perspective
. Fix the agreement mistake
perspectives
However
, I discern that such
activities
are crucial for their mental development.
To embark on, despite the fact that many parents do not prefer to cause an
academic stress to their offspring , I believe that these Remove the article
apply
activities
are an outlet for learners. In other words
, they will have a profound impact on their academic performance because they will not be drained and exhausted due to
their concentration on the curriculum only. For instance
, in a recent study, it was proven that students who learn arts outperform those who do not and score higher grades , due to
the rising
in their creativity levels and boosting their out-of-box thinking. Replace the word
rise
Thus
, what can be said is that not only does
these Change the verb form
do
activities
affect their mind positively , but also
they will boost their scores.
Additionally
, it is paramount to live new experiences ,because that will keep learners busy with their goals. To illustrate, if they do not take part in such
motivating projects they will spend their time playing video games. Those games have a deleterious impact on their mental and psychological health ,and they encourage them to commit atrocities. this
might be exemplified by many teenagers who do not take advantages
of their leisure time , and they just have been wasting many hours playing with their peers. Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
Hence
, what can be said is that if fosters encourage their juniors to participate in beneficial events, they will get ameliorated in their studies ,and that will guarntee
a fruitful future for them.
In conclusion, Correct your spelling
guarantee
after
this
essay has manifested the points mention
above, it can be reiterated that custodians ought to teach their youngsters some quintessential skills that will impact their mentality in a positive way . Change the form of the verb
mentioned
According to
this
, I am a staunch believer that learning extra activities
will definitely add value to their lives.Submitted by esraaalnahrawy6 on
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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses the prompt and presents a clear opinion. However, the points are not fully developed and could benefit from more specific examples and explanations. Ensure that each paragraph directly relates to the topic and moves the argument forward.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: There is some attempt at using linking words and phrases, but the essay lacks consistency in logical progression and organization. The introduction and conclusion are present, but the body paragraphs lack clear and cohesive development of ideas. Work on structuring the essay in a more coherent and organized manner, with logical progressions between ideas and paragraphs.
