IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is quite common that
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers
show examples
give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 some extra money as
reward
Correct article usage
a reward
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their subordinates. In most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the case
show examples
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, it did
work
Use synonyms
 to encourage the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 to keep working hard and make more contributions to the
company
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, there are more and more factors
would
Correct pronoun usage
that would
show examples
 influence
employees's
Remove the s
employees'
show examples
 feeling, an excellent
work
Use synonyms
 environment
in
Correct your spelling
incorporation
show examples
corporation
Add an article
a corporation
the corporation
show examples
 is one of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
important factors.
For instance
Linking Words
, most of the office workers spend one-
third
Linking Words
 of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
 in the
company
Use synonyms
, if the atmosphere in
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
 is terrible, it will not only result in a huge impact
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
Add an article
the individual
an individual
show examples
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
 but make the employees escape from
this
Linking Words
company
Use synonyms
.
Also
Linking Words
, It is easier to feel gloomy when they stay in a place where
having
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 feel uncomfortable.
Moreover
Linking Words
, I consider that building a good relationship with
Add an article
a subordinate
show examples
subordinate
Fix the agreement mistake
subordinates
show examples
 is a key to
lift
Wrong verb form
lifting
show examples
 up the employee's willingness to contribute to the corporation. It is similar to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a wonderful
work
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
environment
envionment
Correct your spelling
environment
 but the key
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the employers. Because the attitude of the supervisor may influence the feeling of the subordinates, if the supervisors show their consideration and
passionate
Replace the word
passion
show examples
, it will make the employees feel confident to complete the task. In my opinion, it is quite
Correct your spelling
important
imporatnt
Correct your spelling
important
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 salary whereas our life
is not only focus
Change the verb form
is not only focused
show examples
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money. We can try to
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue
show examples
 several kinds of requirements
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 our
work
Use synonyms
. The point of making money is for a better life
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if we can do anything and sacrifice our limited time and health. It is not actually worthy.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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