Some employers reward members of staff for their exceptional contribution to the company by giving them extra money. This practice can act as an incentive for some but may also have a negative impact on others. To what extent is this style of management effective? Are there better ways of encouraging employees to work hard? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is quite common that
employer
Fix the agreement mistake
employers

It seems that employer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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give
Fix the infinitive
to give

It seems that the use of particle to may be incorrect here.

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some extra money as
reward
Correct article usage
a reward

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of
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for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their subordinates. In most
of
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apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Add an article
the case
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Add an article
the case

The phrase most of case may require the use of the article the. Consider inserting the before the noun in your sentence.

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case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
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, it did
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to encourage the
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff

It seems that staffs may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to keep working hard and make more contributions to the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there are more and more factors
would
Correct pronoun usage
that would

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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influence
employees's
Remove the s
employees'

The word 's is not the correct form for the plural possessive of the noun employees. Remove the final s.

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feeling, an excellent
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

environment
in
Correct your spelling
incorporation

The word in corporation seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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corporation
Add an article
a corporation
the corporation

The noun phrase corporation seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is one of
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply

The indefinite article an may not be required with the plural noun factors in this sentence. Consider removing the article, or changing the noun to singular.

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important factors.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most of the office workers spend one-
third
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of
time
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the time

The noun phrase time seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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in the
company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, if the atmosphere in
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
company
Add an article
the company

The noun phrase company seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is terrible, it will not only result in a huge impact
of
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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Add an article
the individual
an individual
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Add an article
the individual
an individual

The noun phrase individual seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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but make the employees escape from
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

company
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
Also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, It is easier to feel gloomy when they stay in a place where
having
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb having appears to be unnecessary here.

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them
Correct pronoun usage
they

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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feel uncomfortable.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I consider that building a good relationship with
Add an article
a subordinate
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Add an article
a subordinate

The noun phrase subordinate seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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subordinate
Fix the agreement mistake
subordinates
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is a key to
lift
Wrong verb form
lifting

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb lift. Consider changing it.

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up the employee's willingness to contribute to the corporation. It is similar to
build
Wrong verb form
building

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb build. Consider changing it.

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a wonderful
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Correct your spelling
environment
Correct your spelling
environment

If you don’t want envionment to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

envionment
Correct your spelling
environment
but the key
on
Change preposition
to

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the employers. Because the attitude of the supervisor may influence the feeling of the subordinates, if the supervisors show their consideration and
passionate
Replace the word
passion

The word passionate doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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, it will make the employees feel confident to complete the task. In my opinion, it is quite
Correct your spelling
important
Correct your spelling
important

If you don’t want imporatnt to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

imporatnt
Correct your spelling
important
on
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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high
Correct article usage
a high

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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salary whereas our life
is not only focus
Change the verb form
is not only focused

It appears that the form of the verb focus does not work with is in this sentence.

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on
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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money. We can try to
purse
Correct your spelling
pursue

The word purse doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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several kinds of requirements
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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our
work
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. The point of making money is for a better life
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma before the dependent clause marker if. Consider removing the comma.

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if we can do anything and sacrifice our limited time and health. It is not actually worthy.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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