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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Students leave high school without learning about how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this? What can be improved in students’ understanding of how to manage their finances?

Many students don’t have
the
Correct article usage
a
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 basic and vital understanding of personal finances.
This
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 lack of knowledge is
due to
Linking Words
 no experience and limited education. Managing money should be taught from
early
Correct article usage
an early
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 in life so that when graduates go out into the real world, they know how to handle their money. The
impending
Correct word choice
ensuing
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 paragraphs will discuss various reasons which are responsible for insufficient financial knowledge among
passed outs
Correct your spelling
passouts
 and the solutions to improve their understanding of commerce.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
high
Correct word choice
higher
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 institutes offer only a limited curriculum to the freshmen
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 a course
for
Change preposition
on
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 personal financial management is not a part of their outline.
Instead
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, schools focus on classic subjects
such
Linking Words
 as maths, science, geography, and languages. Another reason can be
most
Correct word choice
that most
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 finalists live with their parents for free. Almost everything, food, shelter, and clothes
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 receive at no cost.
As a result
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, children fail to learn the importance of capital. Both teachers and guardians are failing to prepare young people for the actual world.
However
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, there are several ways to solve the students’ inability to manage their cash.
Firstly
Linking Words
, universities should add a life skill subject
in
Change preposition
to
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 their syllabus
Punctuation problem
. This
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this
Linking Words
 will allow the sophomores to learn in a supportive environment, and how to budget their balance sheet and manage to avoid debts later in life.
Secondly
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, parents should teach their children how wage is earned, saved, and spent. One simple step could be
children
Correct word choice
that children
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 should be granted allowances only after they complete assigned work and
make them
Verb problem
be required to
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 read newspapers which contain information about managing personal funds. In conclusion, young people are deficient in financial knowledge
due to
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 the ignorance of schools and parents, which can be tackled if both take responsibility by teaching the right skills and imparting practical education to the students.

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planning
Plan your essay with a clear main idea in the first paragraph. Then add 2–3 points with simple examples.
style
Make the language easy and clear. Use short sentences and common words.
content
Use real examples at end of each main point to show proof.
structure
The essay has a clear start and end.
content
It shows the two parts of the task: reasons and solutions.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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