IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The youth in many countries are unemployed and unskilled, while at the same time, the Military services are in need of people. Compulsory military service is beneficial and necessary. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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It is argued by some that mandatory
army
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 is favourable and requisite.
In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, I reckon that it is
demandable
Correct article usage
a demandable
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 and
requirement
Correct article usage
a requirement
show examples
 of many
nations
Use synonyms
 and it is useful for countries.
This
Linking Words
 essay will shed light on the benefits and requirements and will
also
Linking Words
 elaborate on my views for stating that obligatory
army
Use synonyms
defence
Use synonyms
 is more favourable for the
nations
Use synonyms
. To commence with, nowadays most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
youngsters are jobless and
non-skill
Correct your spelling
unskilled
show examples
 in many kingdoms and facing
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
show examples
 of
skill
Replace the word
skilled
show examples
 manpower.
By implementing
Change preposition
Implementing
show examples
this
Linking Words
 rule to join
Use synonyms
army
Correct article usage
the army
show examples
service
Use synonyms
 is obligatory which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 to create employment in
nations
Use synonyms
. To explicate
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
, if they hire employees from the provinces and give them training
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
show examples
system
Use synonyms
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can lead to
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 employment
as well as
Linking Words
 skilled
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 of the
nations
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, there is
rule
Add an article
the rule
a rule
show examples
 in Israel
country
Use synonyms
 that one person from the family has to join
Use synonyms
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 and serve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the nation
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
strong
Change the word
strongly
show examples
defence
Use synonyms
 services.
As a result
Linking Words
, Israel is
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 powerful
country
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
defence
Correct article usage
the defence
show examples
system
Use synonyms
 and helps many countries
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 protection despite of small
country
Use synonyms
 with
limited
Correct article usage
a limited
show examples
 population.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
individuals are not ready to join
army
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 as they want to live in freedom
along with
Linking Words
 their families. To explain it, if
army
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 would be essential for citizens to pursue it
then
Linking Words
 we can solve the problem of manpower in
defence
Use synonyms
 systems.
Hence
Linking Words
,
nations
Use synonyms
 would have
colossus
Correct article usage
a colossus
show examples
army
Use synonyms
 to protect.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 would be stronger and
powerful
Correct quantifier usage
more powerful
show examples
 by joining numerous people of the
country
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, people can get
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
 easily and gain
require
Wrong verb form
required
show examples
 skills which can help in their future.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals can get work and fulfil their family
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 and can grow in future even after completion of
Use synonyms
defence
Correct article usage
a defence
show examples
job
Use synonyms
. To epitome, recently
survey
Correct article usage
a survey
show examples
 has been conducted by
Add an article
the ministry
show examples
ministry
Capitalize word
Ministry
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
defence
Capitalize word
Defence
show examples
 that after leaving
Use synonyms
army
Correct article usage
an army
show examples
job
Use synonyms
, almost one lac officers got
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
 in
security
Add an article
the security
show examples
 field in top companies which are most demandable currently and it helps to survive their families and make
career
Add an article
a career
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 field. In conclusion, I totally agree with the opinion that sentencing the mandatory
army
Use synonyms
service
Use synonyms
 is significant and
necessity
Replace the word
necessary
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
country
Use synonyms
. It leads to
generate
Wrong verb form
generating
show examples
 employment and
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
 the shortage of manpower issue in
Use synonyms
defence
Add an article
the defence
show examples
system
Use synonyms
. People will be employed easily and make their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in other fields after
finish
Change the verb form
finishing
show examples
 their tenure to grow in future.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure of the essay by organizing ideas in a more coherent manner.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion effectively address the topic and purpose of the essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your ideas and arguments.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Compulsory
  • Military service
  • Unemployed
  • Unskilled
  • Discipline
  • National pride
  • Civic duty
  • Enlistment
  • Conscription
  • Cohesive society
  • Civilian life
  • Government resources
  • Ethical concerns
  • Forced enlistment
  • Individual freedoms
  • Psychological effects
  • Personal beliefs
  • Societal tensions
  • Career disruption
  • National security
What to do next:
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