IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more material and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goal.

#people #country #goods #production
Many people are having
assumption
Add an article
the assumption
an assumption
show examples
 that the aim of all the nation should be to manufacture the items constantly. I completely agree with the mentioned view because of the overpopulation, increasing choices and interests of the individual, and the increasing throw-away culture which is prevailing in our society.
To begin
 with, increasing production of the goods is vital when the population is accelerating.
In other words
, with a growing
population
Add a comma
,population
show examples
 the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
materials
 will rose over the period.
Hence
, to cater
them
Change preposition
for them
show examples
, a constant supply is a primary role.
For example
, for 1.3 Billion citizens, the supply chain should be constant.
In addition
 to
this
, the choices and options of the folks are more.So to avoid any shortage, the
continue
Replace the word
continued
show examples
 production of
materials
 should be the aim of every territory.
For instance
, for each adult the likes and dislikes are different,
therefore
 to satisfy these needs bulk of material should be stored and maintained.
Moreover
, throw-away culture is hiking in the community.
This
 means, that people use and throw things if they do not need them and found them unnecessary in future.
This
 directly
impact
Change the verb form
impacts
show examples
 the supply in the industries. To exemplify, in
E-commerce
Correct article usage
the E-commerce
show examples
 domain,
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
changes in the size and shape of the garments,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get replaced shortly with new
purchase
Fix the agreement mistake
purchases
show examples
 resulting in the creation of more clothing
materials
. To conclude, I completely agree with the assumption of the citizen that generating more services and items for them should be an appropriate aim of the nation since there is overpopulation, varying interest levels among people and
inclination
Correct article usage
an inclination
show examples
 to
usage
Replace the word
use
show examples
 and replacement of
materials
.
Submitted by Dips on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: