IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

As well as making money, businesses also have a responsibility towards society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibility #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
ONE WIDELY HELD OPINION IS THAT NOT ONLY DO COMPANIES MAKE A
PROFIT
Use synonyms
 BUT THEY
ALSO
Linking Words
 TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE IMPROVEMENT OF SOCIETY. I TOTALLY AGREE WITH
THIS
Linking Words
 NOTION, AND
THIS
Linking Words
 ESSAY WILL EXPLAIN WHY BUSINESSES SHOULD CONTRIBUTE TO SOCIETY’S FINANCES AND BE CAUTIOUS ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT.
FIRST
Linking Words
 AND FOREMOST, LARGE-SCALE COMPANIES CAN NOT PURSUE TO INCREASE THEIR
PROFIT
Use synonyms
 UNDER CIRCUMSTANCES THAT PEOPLE SUFFER FROM POVERTY. TO PREVENT
THIS
Linking Words
 SITUATION, NEEDLESS TO SAY, IT IS NOT ENOUGH THAT NOT ONLY BE A PART OF LOCAL CHARITIES BUT
ALSO
Linking Words
 TO SUPPORT LOCAL PEOPLE FINANCIALLY. TO AN EXTENT, A LOCAL COMPANY IN MY HOMETOWN MADE A DONATION TO A LOCAL CHARITY CLUB CALLED AS “HANDS FOR CHILDREN" ,AFTERWARDS THEY MADE A DISCOUNT TO SUPPORT FAMILIES. AS A CONSEQUENCE OF
THIS
Linking Words
 ACTION, THEY INCREASED THEIR
PROFIT
Use synonyms
 ALMOST BY 10% IN THE
FIRST
Linking Words
 QUARTER.
SECONDLY
Linking Words
, THEY SHOULD HAVE OBLIGATIONS TO PROVIDE A LIVEABLE WORLD FOR THE
NEXT
Linking Words
 GENERATIONS AS WELL, AT LEAST TRY NOT TO HARM. THEY SHOULD BE SENSIBLE ABOUT ENVIRONMENTAL AND GLOBAL PROBLEMS.
FOR INSTANCE
Linking Words
, WHEN CARDANO STATED THAT THEY WERE TRYING TO FIND A SOLUTION TO DECREASE THE ELECTRICITY CONSUMPTION OF THEIR COMPUTERS BECAUSE OF THEIR CARBON FOOTPRINT, NOT ONLY DID IT PROTECT THE ENVIRONMENT, BUT IT
ALSO
Linking Words
 MADE A HUGE AMOUNT OF
PROFIT
Use synonyms
 AS A CONSEQUENCE OF
THIS
Linking Words
 ENDORSEMENT. TO SUM UP,
ALTHOUGH
Linking Words
 COMPANIES HAVE A MANDATORY GOAL WHICH IS MAKING MONEY, THEY HAVE TO BE LOGICAL ABOUT THEIR CUSTOMERS AND SENSIBLE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Linking Words
OTHERWISE
Add a comma
,OTHERWISE
show examples
 THERE WILL BE THE OTHERS WHO WILL MAKE A LOSS
BESIDES
Linking Words
 THE HUMANITY.
Submitted by dt.essrademir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: