IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

Some people say that outdoor activities bring benefits to children's development rather than computer games, To what extent do you agree/disagree?

#people #activities #children #development #computer #games
Certainly, it is believed by some individuals that outdoor
activities
such
 as playing
sports
 can have several benefits to youngsters' progression
instead
 of playing computer
games
.
Therefore
, I completely agree with
this
 aforementioned notion due to the number of merits of being outdoor. It is irrefutable that nowadays, most children prefer to play indoor
games
 by using their mobile phones but in several ways it is not good for them because it harms their vision. Apart from
this
, parents think if they would like to take part in outdoor
games
 and other forms of activity so they can be cured themselves from any kinds of health disorders.
For example
, if children spend much of their time playing indoor
games
 it cause obesity and depression,
moreover
, they will be lazy and feel hesitant to make contact in the outdoor world.
On the other hand
, if they indulge in
sports
 like cricket, football and swimming so these
activities
 help them to become stronger physically, socially, and mentally.
In other words
, by taking the part in
sports
 they can enhance their interest in
sports
 which facilitates them to be flexible and grow in a safe environment.
For instance
, athletes who become famous had a great interest in outdoor
activities
such
 as cricketers, Sachin Tendulkar, Mahindra Singh dhoni, and juvenile throw champion named Neeraj Chopra.
In addition
, it just happened by showing their interest in outdoor
activities
 so by playing outdoor children can gain knowledge about their career paths which not only helps them to stay focused on their tasks but
also
 open the doors to many opportunities. To conclude, it is rightly said that outdoor
games
 bring several benefits to youngsters rather than playing video
games
 due to getting a number of opportunities in life.
Submitted by ankeshsaini100 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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