the position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years, many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Women’s position in public has shifted significantly in the
last
two decades. Many young adults have
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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experienced,
like
Change preposition
apply
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youth
delinquent
Replace the word
delinquency
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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comes from the fact that many
brides women
Correct your spelling
brideswomen
are working now
instead
of taking care of their children at home. In my opinion,
this
idea has many benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, it is easier for married females to conserve their kids and do housekeeping,
however
,
this
idea is exactly the
old fashion
Correct your spelling
old-fashioned
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mother image which can barely be found in the world specifically in developed countries.
Furthermore
, if mothers stay at home and do not work outside, it would probably be good for children because they can have more
time
to spend with their mother which is helpful for their education and attitudes.
For instance
, my mother is a teacher and when I was a pupil, I did not have enough
time
to spend with her and it was exhausting to finish my assignments without her help.
On the other hand
,
while
mothers are working, they can earn good money which can be really helpful for the family and they can save wealth for an unpredictable future.
Moreover
, employment of housewives is
due to
globalization which is a new manner of life in developed countries
such
as Germany and the USA, etc.
Thus
, in these types of countries, the majority of married women are busy at work and available at home,
therefore
, their kids can not spend a lot of
time
with their parents because they are both occupied by their jobs,
although
if they could spend
time
together, it would not be enough.
To conclude
,
this
theory has advantages and disadvantages
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
I assessed some of them,
also
it is not our fault, the reason is globalization.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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task response
Ensure that each paragraph addresses a specific aspect of the topic and supports the main argument. Organize your ideas in a more structured manner to improve clarity and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate more transitional phrases and connectors to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. Use topic sentences to clearly introduce each main idea.
task response
Effective use of examples to support your arguments.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • evolution
  • domestic roles
  • diverse professional engagements
  • dual-working parents
  • family dynamics
  • juvenile delinquency
  • societal and economic factors
  • dual-income households
  • childcare methods
  • community support systems
  • gender roles
  • family responsibilities
  • professional aspirations
  • development needs
  • correlation
  • simplistic causation
  • workplace policies
  • flexible hours
  • parental leave
  • gender equality
  • role models
  • successful womanhood
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