IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety Therefore some people think that the government should increase spending on defence but spend less on social benefits To what extent do you agree

#government #responsibility #citizens #safety #people #defence
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The defence of the citizens' main responsibility relies on the government's shoulder, it's considered by the population that the authority should
rise
Correct your spelling
raise
show examples
 the spending on it and decrease the social expenditure. I think that it's important to ensure the security of the citizens by giving a reasonable budget should be done by the administrators, taking into account their other responsibilities like social benefits.
Firstly
, the country should have a strong defence ,especially at the border.
therefore
,
putting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a good budget is necessary to ensure living in peace and harmony, by equipping the military and improving the quality of their weapons the enemies will be afraid to attack.
For example
, in the
last
 few years, India started to strengthen its' soldiers at the border with China, which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to a decrease in the aggressive attack which was led by the Chinese army. It's strong evidence that countries should put a reasonable budget for the safety of their citizens.
On the other hand
, the authority should balance the army's needs and its other responsibilities. In
another word
Fix the agreement mistake
other words
show examples
, the development of the countries has other sides that must be taken into account.
Such
 as health and education which are essential
as well as
 the security of the country and they should be free of charge. it is a right to have medical care and
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 education quality for every citizen. To illustrate, America the greatest state in the world divided its input
according to
 the needs to ensure integrated development. In conclusion, I believe that the safety of the people should be one of the top priorities of the government.
However
, it has a lot of other duties
important
Rephrase
as important
show examples
 as the defence, like health and education to ensure the continuity of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
development.
Submitted by Fatima Sami on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

improvement
Task Response: The essay provides a partially relevant response to the prompt, but it lacks a clear position and comprehensive ideas. Make sure to clearly state and support your position on the issue.
improvement
Coherence and Cohesion: The logical structure is somewhat coherent, but some ideas are not fully developed and the essay lacks a strong conclusion. Focus on organizing your ideas in a more cohesive manner and strengthen your conclusion.
improvement
Lexical Resource: The essay uses a varied vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and lack of precision in word choice. Aim for more precise and appropriate word choices to convey your ideas effectively.
improvement
Grammatical Range: The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are errors in sentence construction and verb tense consistency. Work on refining your sentence structure and improving verb tense consistency.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: