IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Many parents complain that computer games have no value to their children's study. On the contrary, those online games have produced a lot of negative effects on their mental and physical development. What is your opinion?

#parents #computer #games #value #children #study #effects #development
Nowadays, as it is easier for
children
 to have access to computers and to play
computer
games
, parents are concerned that
computer
games
 cannot help with
children
's study,but may bring damage to teenagers' minds and bodies.
However
, I personally think that if the play-time can be properly supervised, students may benefit from gaming.
Computer
games
 sometimes can be addictive for young people and lead to negative impacts on their studies.
Computer
games
 use intense competitions and easily achievable tasks to keep the players in
games
 as long as possible. Since teenagers lack self-control over temptations, they tend to chase momentary satisfaction brought by the
games
 than study,
thus
 spending less time learning and preparing for their exams.
As a result
, students will have terrible academic performance when spending too much time on gaming.
However
, important skills can
also
 be gained while playing
games
.
To begin
 with, lots of multiplayer
games
 require cooperation between teammates.
Children
 will improve their ability to efficiently communicate with others and to manage tasks
accordingly
 in team play,
thus
 having a better performance in school group assignments.
In addition
, concentration is an essential part of some
games
 to win,
children
's brains can be trained to focus on tasks more easily. In conclusion, depending on play-time and type,
computer
games
 can have both positive and negative impacts on teenagers' development. It is the parent's responsibility to help
children
 manage their game and study time properly.
Submitted by yuyi981121 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: