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Band 5

A person's worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honor, kindness and trust no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#person #status #possessions #values #honor #kindness #trust
Nowadays, some
people
 tend to show off their materialistic purchases.
However
, these
people
 are respected more by
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society
 than those who have a good heart. I completely agree that
people
 no longer value trust and kindness,
instead
Add a comma
,instead
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 they appreciate those who own expensive things. Those who have a high societal status are appreciated more.
For example
, a municipality engineer will help
people
 design their roads and houses, being a servant of the
society
. Even if the engineer has a bad attitude or does not complete the town's important tasks on time,
people
 will still follow him because
eventually
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,eventually
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 he is the one who gets their work done.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
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 applies
for
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to
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 a politician; no matter how corrupt he is, he will be highly respected because of his rank in
the
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apply
show examples
society
.
Thus
,
people
 value a person who is among the high ranks in spite of their bad personality.
People
 these days respect those who own a fancy possession
instead
 of a simple one. For an instance, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
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apply
show examples
people
 have
a
Remove the article
apply
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huge respect for those who drive a car but belittle those who own a motorbike or no vehicle at all. If I
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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own
Change the verb form
owned
show examples
 a
Add a hyphen
four-wheeler
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four wheeler
Add a hyphen
four-wheeler
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,
people
 will befriend me but they won't even want to get to know me if I don't own one. So,
people
 judge others according to their materialistic possessions. In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that
people
 no longer care about
the
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apply
show examples
moral characteristics like honesty and trust but value those who have a good status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and those who own expensive products.
Submitted by ashishspinsball on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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