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Writing Samples /
Band 4

In recent time economic growth has made some people richer in both developed and developing countries. While studies show that people in developing countries are happier now than before, people in developed countries are no happier than they were before.

#time #growth #people #countries #studies #show
If a person has money, it does not mean that he is happy. Despite that
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of both developed and developing
countries
 is growing.
People
 from developed
countries
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
don
Correct your spelling
do
show examples
 not feel happy
like
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 they used to, whereas
people
 from developing
countries
 feel happier than they were ever before. Now I am going to outline why
this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
show examples
 happened and tell about the lesson that can be learned from it. In the case of developed
countries
,
people
 have never
starving
Change the verb form
starved
show examples
. Food was available and
people
 could
bought
Change the verb form
buy
show examples
 it whenever they wanted for
relatively
Add an article
a relatively
the relatively
show examples
 cheap price. Decades ago work was not as hard as it is now,
moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
show examples
people
 could easily take a rest as they had
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
plenty of
spared
Replace the word
spare
show examples
 time.
People
 took
such
 good conditions for granted. Nowadays
people
 who are getting richer do not feel happy as they
supposed
Add a missing verb
are supposed
show examples
 to do.
This
 happens because of hard work and tough competition between
people
 .
Their
Change the pronoun
The
show examples
 ambitions that encourage them to pursue their goals do not allow them to take a rest and spend
pleasure
Replace the word
pleasant
show examples
 time with their friends and family.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
,hand
show examples
 developing
countries
 had never lived in good conditions.
People
 usually had no money to buy food or
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 stuff.
That
Correct pronoun usage
Those
show examples
 conditions encouraged them to work harder. In the present
days
Add a comma
,days
show examples
 they become richer and
consequently
 they can afford things that they could not in the past. That’s why they are getting happier. In conclusion, I must say that we should appreciate what we have and spend more time with our family and friends.
Also
Add a comma
,Also
show examples
 we ought to remember that someone never had a chance to make their life better.
Submitted by Mezun 2023 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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