IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The movement of people from agricultural areas to cities to work can cause serious problems in both places. What are the serious problems and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#movement #people #areas #cities #work #places #measures
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It is true that humans moving from agricultural
places
Use synonyms
 to metropolises for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 has bad effects on both two
places
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, but
governments
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 and individuals could certainly take steps to address these issues. As we can see, both rural areas and cities have
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some serious problems. On one hand, from the city’s perspective, having a
big quantity
Correct word choice
large
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 population can cause traffic congestion and a competitive work environment.
People
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 who live downtown can have a threat of air pollution caused by the usage of many cars, which is not good for
people
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's health. At the same time,
people
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 are facing a more competitive job environment given more
people
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 are looking for jobs.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, remote areas are losing their local
people
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, which means the prospect of local development is bad.
This
Linking Words
 can be a vicious circle in the future.
However
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,
governments
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 and individuals can take steps to address these problems which are happening in these two
places
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.
Firstly
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,
governments
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 can put more investments in public transport systems,
therefore
Linking Words
 more
people
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 prefer to take public transport rather than
driving
Wrong verb form
drive
show examples
 to work.
Secondly
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, individuals can share their private cars together. Most cars just have one person to drive,
this
Linking Words
 is wasting road space and causing more air pollution.
For example
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, in China, more and more workers are having a shared car during their commute time.
Thirdly
Linking Words
,
governments
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 can provide training courses to
people
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 who do not have sufficient qualifications. So they can get new skills and
this
Linking Words
 can increase their competitiveness.
Finally
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, in agricultural areas,
governments
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 can build more train stations to increase employment,
this
Linking Words
 can provide local
people
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 with more job opportunities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, trains can have more close connections with metropolises and
places
Use synonyms
 nearby, which is helpful for development. In conclusion,
governments
Use synonyms
 can take some measures to solve the problems mentioned above and I believe these issues will be addressed
finally
Linking Words
.
Submitted by wangpeiying96 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more clearly structured to provide a strong framing for the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that all aspects of the prompt are thoroughly addressed and that the examples provided directly support the arguments presented.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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