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Band 5.5

polluton of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society.

#polluton #rivers #lakes #seas #concern #people #environment #water #pollution #effects #life #society
One of the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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major concerns for
people
 who attempt to protect the environment is
pollution
Add an article
the pollution
a pollution
show examples
 of
rivers
, lakes and seas.
Moreover
, there are several causes of
water
pollution
 and
then
 it can have negative impacts on not only animal life but
also
human
Change preposition
on human
show examples
 society.
Firstly
, the important facts which cause
water
pollution
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic waste, industrial waste and careless
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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 of the ships which transport the fuels.
For example
, the surface of the ocean is full of kerosene which can make aquatic animals dead when two big ships which carry kerosene tanks
hit
Add a missing verb
are hit
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 accidentally. After that, many
people
 carelessly throw the wastes that come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic use into the
rivers
,lakes and streams because they do not notice the disadvantages of
Correct your spelling
their
theri
Correct your spelling
their
 faults. And
then
, the large factories throw their wastes purposefully into the
rivers
 where they can directly throw
easily
Correct pronoun usage
them easily
show examples
.
Subsequently
, it can have many negative impacts on both animal life and human society. If the ocean's surface is covered by
koresene
Correct your spelling
kerosene
, the aquatic animals will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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difficult
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difficulty
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to breathe
Change the verb form
breathing
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 because of the lack of oxygen.
Moreover
, the
water
 becomes polluted so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it is not suitable for land animals to drink. And
then
, they will suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of
water
.
Consequently
, the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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 of it will be unpleasant and dirty because the sea's surface is full of
scrans
Correct your spelling
scans
scraps
 .
People
 will lose a chance to feel the beauty of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature.
In addition
, there are some villages which use the stream
water
 not only to drink but
also
 to take a bath. If the
water
 is not clean enough to consume, it can cause many health problems. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
pollution
 of
rivers
, lakes and seas is an essential part for
people
 who seek to prevent the environment because it can have many negative impacts on animal life and human society.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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