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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

polluton of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment. What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society.

#polluton #rivers #lakes #seas #concern #people #environment #water #pollution #effects #life #society
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One of the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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major concerns for
people
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 who attempt to protect the environment is
Use synonyms
pollution
Add an article
the pollution
a pollution
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 of
rivers
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, lakes and seas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are several causes of
water
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pollution
Use synonyms
 and
then
Linking Words
 it can have negative impacts on not only animal life but
also
Linking Words
human
Change preposition
on human
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 society.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the important facts which cause
water
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pollution
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic waste, industrial waste and careless
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
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 of the ships which transport the fuels.
For example
Linking Words
, the surface of the ocean is full of kerosene which can make aquatic animals dead when two big ships which carry kerosene tanks
hit
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are hit
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 accidentally. After that, many
people
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 carelessly throw the wastes that come from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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domestic use into the
rivers
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,lakes and streams because they do not notice the disadvantages of
Correct your spelling
their
theri
Correct your spelling
their
 faults. And
then
Linking Words
, the large factories throw their wastes purposefully into the
rivers
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 where they can directly throw
easily
Correct pronoun usage
them easily
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.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, it can have many negative impacts on both animal life and human society. If the ocean's surface is covered by
koresene
Correct your spelling
kerosene
, the aquatic animals will have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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difficult
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difficulty
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to breathe
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breathing
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 because of the lack of oxygen.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
water
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 becomes polluted so
that
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it is not suitable for land animals to drink. And
then
Linking Words
, they will suffer from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
water
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the
surrounding
Fix the agreement mistake
surroundings
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 of it will be unpleasant and dirty because the sea's surface is full of
scrans
Correct your spelling
scans
scraps
 .
People
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 will lose a chance to feel the beauty of
the
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nature.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are some villages which use the stream
water
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 not only to drink but
also
Linking Words
 to take a bath. If the
water
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 is not clean enough to consume, it can cause many health problems. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conslusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
pollution
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 of
rivers
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, lakes and seas is an essential part for
people
Use synonyms
 who seek to prevent the environment because it can have many negative impacts on animal life and human society.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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