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Band 4.5

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #governments #industries #businesses #move #areas #cities #trend
It is true that
prospering
Correct article usage
a prospering
show examples
economy
 plays an indispensable role in anthropological history. Some people have faith that it’s necessary to facilitate the
economy
 at all costs,
while
 others hold the reverse point. From my perspective,
this
 topic is very argumentative and deserves an in-depth discussion.
Initially
, one of the primary views of its merits should be invoking
regional
Correct article usage
the regional
show examples
economy
 to thrive. Admittedly, there’s a significant growing tendency in the revenue of people living in the suburbs, as the industries set up branches in the rural
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 in recent years.
Moreover
, people gradually realize the fact that the migration of young residents from the countryside to the metropolis has apparently declined.
According to
 the latest official statistics conducted by the Ministry of Economic Affairs of Taiwan, there are more young inhabitants who tend to stay in the suburbs, surging from 27% to 67%, which could lead to the good care of the elderly in their hometown. On the other of the spectrum, pollution induced by industrial and business sites widely constructed is an unavoidable issue as well. Regarding the harm caused by detrimental pollutants, environmentalists stand out to advocate curbing the expansion of industrial sites.
In addition
 to the aforementioned, the adverse contamination might
also
 damage people’s health. Owing to being exposed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dreadful substances, health may chronically deteriorate
due to
 the latent hazard.
To sum up
, despite the fact that economic expansion has drawbacks
such
 as harmful pollutants, the benefits
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
contributing to the prosperity of the
economy
 must not be ignored.
Therefore
, I stand with the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
Submitted by jackson05234 on

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task response
The essay provides a somewhat relevant response to the prompt. However, the points made lack depth and clarity, and the argumentative nature of the topic is not fully explored.
coherence and cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is weak. The introduction is vague and lacks a clear indication of the writer's position, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points. Additionally, the development of ideas lacks coherence and cohesion, making the essay challenging to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • regional areas
  • big cities
  • encouraging
  • industries
  • businesses
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • economic growth
  • overcrowding
  • traffic congestion
  • employment opportunities
  • balanced regional development
  • preservation of natural resources
  • quality of life
  • cultural diversity
  • lack of infrastructure
  • amenities
  • skilled workers
  • impact on the environment
  • decline in the economy
  • social and cultural challenges
  • integrating
  • new industries
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