IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the reals need of the society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

#sales #consumer #goods #power #reals #society
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In our modern society, there are a variety of
goods
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 sold all over the world. Especially, people spend a lot of money to buy them because of the strong advertising power even though they do not need to buy some of the
goods
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. I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
situation
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. First of all, the
situation
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 has a serious impact on environmental problems.
For example
Linking Words
, we consume a large number of materials including water, trees, plastics and metals for making many
goods
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 for sale.
Additionally
Linking Words
, our important energy resources were used drastically for the process of making them, which leads to global warming as well.
Therefore
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,
this
Linking Words
 makes it clear that the
situation
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 affects environmental issues greatly.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
situation
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 decreases happiness levels with the
lacking
Replace the word
lack
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 of money.
For instance
Linking Words
, most people try to get new technology devices and
high brand
Add a hyphen
high-brand
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goods
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 owing to the massive
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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 nowadays,
then
Linking Words
 they spend a lot of money and always suffer from their difficult financial
situation
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. Recent research conducted by
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 Nations in 2020 showed that countries with many consumptions by advertisements got a 30% lower point for the satisfaction level of their life.
Thus
Linking Words
, it has become apparent that a larger consumption can affect their happiness level. In conclusion, we discussed the disadvantages of the
situation
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 in terms of environmental issues and the happiness level. For those two reasons, I significantly disagree with the
situation
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. After a thorough analysis of
this
Linking Words
 subject, it is predicted that citizens will
concern
Verb problem
be
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 deeply
about
Correct word choice
concerned about
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 their consumption in the future.
Submitted by lyu on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion could be more explicit and connect more directly with the content of the essay. Try to structure the essay in a clearer way by using topic sentences and concluding sentences for each paragraph to improve coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
While the essay presents some relevant ideas, it could better address the task by providing a more comprehensive response with stronger examples supporting the arguments. It is important to fully address the prompt and provide clear, specific examples that effectively support the points made.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumer behavior
  • perceived needs
  • emotional appeal
  • brand image
  • marketing strategies
  • materialistic values
  • consumerism
  • manipulative tactics
  • endorsements
  • celebrity marketing
  • promotional tools
  • status symbols
  • luxury
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