IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people feel that social media encourages antisocial behaviour, such as bullying and cheating, while others disagree that this is the case. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #media #behaviour #case
Nowadays, part of individuals believes that
such
 as bullying and cheating
type
Add a missing verb
are type
show examples
 of antisocial behaviour
stimulate
Wrong verb form
stimulated
show examples
 by social
media
,
while
 on
this
 point some others do not agree.
However
, I think social platforms have many advantages rather than disadvantages and
this
 essay will analyse the reason for both views in the following paragraphs with a reasonable conclusion. To commence with that social
media
 objectives are not a secure line on the internet world. To explain it more, When we make
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 account on these social channels there is no identification process
like
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
that platforms do not require any government identity proof, so people make fake accounts on them and they play with the emotions of other people.
Moreover
, it
also
 helps them to lead criminal activities.
For example
, In 2018, a criminal case
had been occur
Wrong verb form
occurred
show examples
 in front of Delhi police in which a gang of 10 persons
make
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
corrupt accounts on WhatsApp and Instagram and they sad to individuals that
we
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 run a trust organisation to raise funds for children who are not able to get education.
On the other hand
, many think that they learn about a new culture and
up
Add a missing verb
are up
show examples
 to date with fashion or trends.
Additionally
, they can communicate with their relatives easily
those
Change preposition
from those
show examples
 very far from them which is a very convenient option in today's era because everybody is busy with their work, so they do not have enough time to meet with their loved ones and they prefer social
media
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 situation.
For instance
,
Todays
Correct your spelling
in today's
show examples
 time many parents send their kids abroad for higher education and they communicate with them through WhatsApp, Instagram and Facebook. In conclusion, every individual has their own perspective to view the positive or negative side of anything and in
this
, case some people argue that social
media
 is not good
due to
 security reasons and others tend that they feel it is very useful in their rotten lifestyle.
Submitted by 321navjotsingh on

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task response
Your essay adequately addresses both views on the topic and provides a balanced analysis. However, the supporting examples and points lack depth and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the organization and development of ideas within paragraphs need improvement for better coherence and cohesion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial behavior
  • cyberbullying
  • harassment
  • cheating
  • dishonesty
  • positive social interactions
  • creativity
  • self-expression
  • opinion
  • controversial
  • debate
What to do next:
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