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Band 4

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result Why do many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem?

#people #exercise #time #health
Every individual who
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 employed
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 unable to
exercise
 neither during weekdays nor their spare time,
consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
show examples
 they face health issues. Compared to
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 days
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
show examples
twenty
Add a hyphen
twenty-first
show examples
first
 century has become
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 advance and busy lifestyle, every person goes through
hectic
Add an article
a hectic
show examples
 day, and by the end of the
day
Add a comma
,day
show examples
 they become tired and lazy. Daily
exercise
 is crucial for everyone, it can be for the workforce or children. No age limit to restrict yourself in doing activities to control a healthy lifestyle. Generally speaking, at least 80% of the workforce
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not get sufficient
exercise
 due to their workload. Some individuals find it hard to maintain a good
work
 balance,
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 spend time with their family and friends. They become
stress
Wrong verb form
stressed
show examples
 at
work
,
tend
Correct word choice
and tend
show examples
 to overthink in case
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they are unable to meet the project deadline
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when it continuously happens
this
 leads to non-communicable diseases an excellent example of
this
be
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
diabetics
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
, high blood pressure and so on. From my point of view, you don’t need to find time to
exercise
. One piece of evidence
you
Add a missing verb
is you
show examples
 can cycle to
work
 twice or thrice a week, it could be for short or long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
, another during
work
 hours, use the stairs
instead
 of the elevator or escalator. If you follow
this
 method, it enables you to become healthy.
Furthermore
, consuming a healthy diet every day. Maintaining a nutritional diet can help to avoid various diseases entering the human body
additionally
Correct word choice
and additionally
show examples
 control a spend a good lifestyle whilst controlling a healthy and happy life.
Submitted by nayomi28 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Time constraints
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Passive leisure activities
  • Workplace wellness programs
  • Active commuting
  • Subsidized
  • Public awareness
  • Health benefits
  • Incentivizing
  • Accessible public spaces
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