IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that instead of preventing climate change, we need to find a way to live with it. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #climate #change
It is argued that it would be preferable to create a solution in order to adapt to climate
change
.
As well as
,
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 individuals have to stop investigating how to ban it.
Nevertheless
, I completely feel vice versa with the aforementioned.
Due to
 the fact that both humans and the environment will be damaged. The reasons why people should prevent temperature
change
 will be highlighted in the following lines. To commence with, the supporters of the prior viewpoint assume that climate
change
 and humans cannot live together
due to
 they might be harmful. To contribute more, the increase in temperature will result negatively on citizens' health.
Therefore
, hospitals might be full of sick patients.
Accordingly
, the rate of death
people
Change preposition
of people
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 rises. As an illustration, it was noticed
this
 year developing of temperature
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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 in various countries.
Consequently
, many individuals died
due to
 that.
On the other hand
, the holders of the previous thought argue that changes in weather would affect the environment negatively. To elaborate more, as the world gets warmer a noticeable effect might be seen in the green forces. Based on that, a decline in the proportion of O2 will be ubiquitous.
Hence
, the whole world will be yellow ( desert).
Thus
, a great number of animals will be victims. On
an
Correct article usage
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account of
this
, the rate of food will be diminished.
To conclude
,
although
 there are individuals who support that living with climate
change
 should be possible, it has unbelievable drawbacks for both humans and nature.
According to
 the above-mentioned, citizens should work to reveal findings to neglect the weather changes.
Submitted by 2018161085.rus on

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Coherence and Cohesion
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Task Achievement
Strengthen the link between your examples and the main points. Use more relevant and specific examples to support the ideas.
Lexical Resource
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Grammatical Range
Work on using a variety of sentence structures and tenses. Pay attention to subject-verb agreement and sentence construction.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • climate change
  • prevent
  • adaptation
  • mitigation
  • cope with
  • effects
  • shift
  • mindset
  • lifestyle
  • balance
  • invest
  • research
  • technology
  • crucial
  • education
  • awareness
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