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Band 5

The increasing demand for oil and gas has made it necessary to look for these energy sources in remote and untouched natural places. Do you think the advantages of locating oil and gas in these areas outweigh the disadvantages of damaging these places?

#demand #oil #gas #energy #sources #places #areas
It is undeniable that
people
's activities
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
are
Remove the redundancy
apply
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involved in many natural disturbances and disruptions. Since
oil
 and
gas
 have played a vital role in our society ,especially with the individuals living
such
 as transportation, cooking or even electricity. The rising need for them makes
people
 search for new origins to meet the demand. The new locations are mainly ones that are at a great distance and
hardly
Add a missing verb
have hardly
show examples
 been used. Though I believe that placing new locations for
oil
 and
gas
 means a new source of natural
resources
, the consequences would outweigh the benefits as I will mention.
To begin
 with, it will disturb the way locals live. In setting the new spots,
the places surroundings
Change to a genitive case
the surroundings of the place
the surroundings of the places
show examples
 mainly nature and local individuals will be affected hugely.
For example
 in building
a
Change the article
an
show examples
oil
 factory, there will be noise pollution. It will not only cause annoyance but it could
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
harm
Replace the word
harmful
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to
Change preposition
apply
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people
's
Fix the agreement mistake
health
show examples
healths
Correct your spelling
health
show examples
. To take control of the
resources
 found, a station to operate the mission will be built.
This
 could lead to
cutting
Correct article usage
the cutting
show examples
 of trees and destroying natural habitats. The worst possible result is animals losing their homes and might be
in
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on
show examples
 the verge of extinction.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
Morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, during
work
Add a comma
,work
show examples
 if mistakes are made, there might be
oil
 leaking or
gas
 emissions that would impact
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both
people
 and other natural creatures. Since
gas
 and
oil
 is the natural resource that could be depleted, I believe the right way to get the demand needed is to find and use renewable
resources
instead
 of getting new locations because sooner or later
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will be exhausted. To summarize, even though locating new energy sources would benefit the demand for it, the outcomes would be more destructive ,especially to humans, natural habitats and creatures.
Thus
, renewable
resources
 should be in consideration to deal with the needs.
Submitted by poonpunchy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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