Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Schools are more and more essential
nowaday
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nowadays
show examples
with
people
around the world, especially
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
. Some
people
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believe
show examples
belive
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believe
show examples
that the main task of education systems is to transform
children
into well-educated citizens and employers, rather than to
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benefit
benifit
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benefit
them as individuals. It is
disasgreed
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disagreed
that
this
is the main target of
shool
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school
show examples
for
children
. Analysing the
self development
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self-development
show examples
of graduates for both their financial abilities and their mental
knowledges
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knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
will prove
this
.
Firstly
,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
will give their
learnes
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learners
about
khowledges
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knowledge
knowledges
and skills to meet their job requirements so that they could get
job
Add an article
a job
the job
show examples
easier.
For instance
,
people
who are fresh
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graduates
gradutes
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graduates
could
be apply
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be applied
show examples
for jobs which
has
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have
show examples
job descriptions same as their
khowledges
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knowledge
knowledges
sector at universities, so they have more chance to be accepted by the company. If they get the jobs, they will have
ability
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the ability
show examples
to afford their cost of living,
then
Correct word choice
and then
show examples
pay taxes for social.
Therefore
,
this
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
it clear that they are
people
who take more
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benefits
benifits
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benefits
.
Secondly
,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
will give their
learnes
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learners
khowledges
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knowledge
knowledges
to develop the mental health on
themselve
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themselves
.
For example
, kids will be taught ethical
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lesson
lession
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lessons
to become
a
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apply
show examples
better
children
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child
show examples
in their families.
Moreover
, kids
also
learn
survial
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survival
skills that
extremely
Add a missing verb
are extremely
show examples
essential in their life
such
as swimming, cooking..etc.
Thus
, it becomes
appearant
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apparent
that
learnes
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learners
get more
valueable
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valuable
from
school
than social. To summarise, the learners are
people
who are received more
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
from
school
than companies or social. So, it
clear
Add a missing verb
is clear
show examples
that the ideal of the main purpose of schools is to turn
children
into good citizens and workers, rather than to benefit them as individuals
cannot
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who cannot
show examples
be supported.
Submitted by yenbao89 on

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Your opinion

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • social responsibility
  • foundational knowledge
  • career success
  • economic contribution
  • personal development
  • critical thinking
  • creativity
  • emotional intelligence
  • balanced education
  • community well-being
  • holistic education
  • academic and personal growth
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