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Band 3.5

There are several factors that motivate people to stay in the workforce, and money is the most important reason/factor. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#factors #people #workforce #money #reason #factor
It is argued that among many factors that encourage people to
work
,
money
 is the most essential reason. I totally agree with
this
 statement as I believe that
money
 is an important instrument to build a career and there are no other things much more valuable than it.
To begin
 with, a "green instrument" is the most valuable thing in our modern world. Everything costs
money
: food, services, transport and even medicine, so a person needs to
work
 hard to provide himself and his loved ones a comfortable life.
Furthermore
,
money
 became a solution for almost every problem that takes place in today's world.
Money
 should be the number one thing to focus on while doing
work
. Some people say that it is necessary to enjoy working rather than earning
money
 from a job that you don't like. But, nowadays there is a wide range of jobs to choose from and it is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier to find your dream job than it was in the past. In conclusion, I want to note that
money
 should be the leading reason to
work
 and there are
no
Correct your spelling
not
show examples
 as
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
 valuable things as
money
.
Submitted by Mezun 2023 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • basic needs
  • career advancement
  • pension
  • job satisfaction
  • sense of purpose
  • social connections
  • workplace relationships
  • intellectual stimulation
  • societal norms
  • earning potential
  • motivation
  • livelihood
  • financial independence
  • professional growth
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