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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The position of women in society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. many of the problems young people now experience such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children. to what extent do you agree or disagree with this option?

#position #women #society #twenty #years #people #delinquency #fact #work #home #care #children #option
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In the past two decades,
women
Use synonyms
 have been extending their role in many aspects throughout the world as they have equal importance in recruitment and working like men.
However
Linking Words
, others think it has caused severe problems for
children
Use synonyms
 since they have less attention from their mothers who are mostly working. From my perspective, I do not agree with
this
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 statement and
this
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 essay will discuss the supporters and opponents of
this
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 view.
To begin
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 with, it has become a necessity for
both
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parents
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 to
work
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. Due to the fact that
parents
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 these days strive to make sure their
children
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 have a better life as well as a good education, it is challenging for an average man to afford these expenses alone.
Therefore
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, with the financial contribution of
women
Use synonyms
 makes things easier.
Secondly
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,
women
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 have taken part all over the world and in enormous fields of society. In politics, there is massive growth in the number of
women
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 becoming ministers, or members of councils. They can
also
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work
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 as breadwinners
instead
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 of being household wives staying at home, so they can improve their capabilities in certain
work
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 fields and career opportunities.
However
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, if
both
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parents
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 do not spend sufficient time with their
children
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 and fail to make an impact on their
children
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's lives, their kids will suffer from depression, abuse drugs, and
finally
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, conduct criminal activities. To illustrate, crime and drug abuse rates are higher in countries where
both
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parents
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work
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.
Children
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 are more likely to lack their
parents
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' attention and easily lost their connection with family in the long run.
As a result
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,
children
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 start growing antipathy towards the family which
finally
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 leads to misbehaviour and crime. To conclude,
although
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both
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parents
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 try to spend their time bringing their
children
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 a better life and good education will result in the kids making crimes, I believe they can balance their time for
work
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 and family. Not only does
this
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 improve family bones but
also
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 decreases pressure on making the money.
Submitted by shinyucr3 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • juvenile delinquency
  • cultural shift
  • traditional family dynamics
  • socio-economic conditions
  • peer pressure
  • media exposure
  • educational environments
  • maternal employment
  • financial stability
  • role modeling
  • flexible working hours
  • remote work options
  • supportive parenting structures
  • community programs
  • extracurricular activities
  • gender roles
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