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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that traveling to work and working in the company’s office building makes employees more productive. However, others argue that it is better for employees to work at home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is predicted by some that going to work and working in a corporation building makes collaborators more efficient
whereas
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 others believe that it is effective to work online. Personally, I support the first view as I consider that labouring in an office building would have a lot of positive outcomes. On the one hand, I promote the idea of those who believe that working offline as going to the office has plus points and makes people more sufficient. From my point of view, working with peers in a workplace makes the task easy
as well as
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 it makes them more cooperative like if there is anything wrong, they can easily get help.
Furthermore
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, emotional support from colleagues might boost motivation for a long day at the workplace,
listening
Correct word choice
and listening
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 to their views
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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 the company to make
the
Change the word
its
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 marketing strategy.
Therefore
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, the workplace gives many advantages for workers in many aspects.
On the other hand
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, a part of the public holds the view that labouring at home is more successful.
This
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 situation can make them feel comfortable for some persons
due to
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 they are not under the pressure of the association. They can discuss projects with their colleagues using software
such
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 as
zoom
Capitalize word
Zoom
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 or Google Meet on their laptops.
Moreover
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, working online
also
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 allows us greater flexibility in terms of working hours.
This
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 condition can lead to saving time and money. In conclusion, it is anticipated by a certain group of people that working in a business company’s office makes employees more profitable
while
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 others consider that it is productive to operate the job from home. In my opinion, the primary idea makes employees more convenient, confident, and able to easily overcome the challenges they face.
Consequently
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, I strongly advocate doing offline jobs.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a clear position in your introduction and conclusion. Ensure that your examples and points directly connect to the main topic and are relevant to the discussion.
task achievement
Try to fully address the prompt by discussing both views in a balanced way. Make sure that the examples and points you provide are specific and directly related to the main ideas.
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