IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

A government's role is only to provide defence capability and urban infrastructure, such as roads, water and power. All other services, such as education, health and social security, should be provided by private groups or individuals in the community. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #role #defence #capability #infrastructure #roads #water #power #services #education #health #security #groups #individuals #community
With the
increasingly
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increased
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 awareness of
person
Replace the word
personal
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 rights, some
people
 think that the
government
 should help
people
 who do not have a little level of rudimentary lives like eating, taking shower, or sleeping. so
people
 insist that the
government
 should supply the essential and fundamental services, while others believe that the
government
 always have to concentrate
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 defence
cability
Correct your spelling
ability
capability
 and civil
infrastructure
Change the noun form
infrastructures
show examples
 like streets, water and power. But I agree with
former
Add an article
a former
the former
show examples
 view as I believe that the person beings is the
countries's
Remove the s
countries'
show examples
 assets.
To begin
 with, It is undeniable that subsidizing particular groups or individuals would consume a grand amount of money.
First
 of all, if the
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 did not produce the fair and
suquare
Correct your spelling
square
 criterion when supporting someone,
people
 would be suspicious and
criticized
Wrong verb form
criticise
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to
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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equality.
This
 means that
,
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apply
show examples
there could
be occur
Change the verb form
occur
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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serious debate and someone
did
Correct pronoun usage
who did
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 not receive any subsidy would feel it was discriminatory.
Secondly
, the development of industry and society would be gradually fallen as slow as
Add an article
a turtle
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turtle
Fix the agreement mistake
turtles
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. a great amount of money, in
fact
Add the comma(s)
,fact
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 that should be spent
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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advancement, would be wasted by someone who
be
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 received from the
government
. in
this
 respect, I partly agree with
this
 view.
However
, we should look at the aftermath of improving our quality of life in the future.
First
 and foremost, we can enhance our quality of
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
show examples
 by providing resources from the
government
,
such
 as healthcare, jobs and education.
follwing
Correct your spelling
following
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 that, the average
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
number of
people
 who were educated and asked to conform
standard
Change preposition
to standard
show examples
 rules is increasing so that they can cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 commercial revolution. In conclusion,
although
 some
people
 insist that spending money to support
individuals's
Remove the s
individuals'
show examples
 life is ineffective, I opine that we stop growing when we stop being together.
Submitted by parkcy0601 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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