When a new town is planned, it is more important to develop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centers for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, during developing a new town there are many challenges occur in front of the government and citizens. Some
people
believe that developing public sports
facilities
and parks are more important than shopping centres for people
to spend their leisure time there. I strongly agree with this
statement and I think that developing public parks and sports
things are more crucial along with
malls playing a great role in public life and I will explain my reasons for it in the following paragraphs.
To begin
with, in big cities
Add a comma
cities,
people
are challenging many environmental problems such
as pollution and other difficulties and for that reason, if the government will build more open spaces and sports
facilities
then
it will beneficial
for the community to live in a clear climate. Add a missing verb
be beneficial
For example
, Delhi, the capital of India, has many free public parks along with
sports
facilities
for citizens, which help local people
to exercise their bodies on daily
basis. Correct article usage
a daily
Furthermore
, developing free sports
facilities
in town areas will affect positively workers who have a busy schedule, this
is because with the help of free sports
facilities
and open spaces
they can spend their leisure time and calm their brain in these areas.
Add a comma
spaces,
Also
, it cannot be neglected the importance of commercial centres during planning a city, this
is because from malls and Correct pronoun usage
apply
near
Correct word choice
nearby
shops
individuals can fulfil their household Add a comma
shops,
need
very efficiently. Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
For example
, women can buy home ingredients from nearby shops very easily in big cities and for that reason, they do not need to cover a large distance for small things. Furthermore
, from malls and shops, the authority can earn a lot of taxes which are
helpful for one country's economic growth.
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
To conclude
, in my opinion, I think that both sectors are important for the community because developing free open spaces and sports
playgrounds for the public, helps them to be fit and healthy. However
, the government should also
develop new shopping centres.Submitted by azone2646 on
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task response
Ensure that the essay directly addresses the prompt and fully develops the reasons for the position taken. Provide a more balanced view, acknowledging the importance of shopping centers as well.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay in a more coherent manner. Use clear topic sentences for each paragraph, and ensure that ideas are linked together more effectively.