Some people think that school children need to learn practical skills such as car maintenance or bank account management along with the academic subjects at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the present era,
besides
academic grades, practical
skills
are
also
crucial
as a result
of increasing competition in various fields. I believe that youngsters should learn different life-saving functional
skills
in order to become independent and talented. The significance of non-academic tasks is explained
further
in
this
essay.
Firstly
, some functional tasks like computer programming, repairing machines, bank account management, car driving, swimming, outdoor game playing et cetera, are necessary for personal development. Students can become more alert and active through these activities. Their brains' function could be increased drastically.
Although
some people find these
skills
a waste of study
time
, they eventually help in
studies
by enhancing focus.
Moreover
, children can
also
learn about managing
time
between
studies
and other activities.
For example
, a child playing badminton can stay concentrated on
studies
for fixed hours. Its mind does not get bored by education and it can use its
time
more efficiently compared to others.
Furthermore
, many extra-curricular
skills
are more useful in future.
For instance
, my friend learnt to cook during her school
time
and when she had to move to a foreign country for higher
studies
, she could easily save her money and
time
by making food for herself.
According to
me,
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
a person who earns money,
has
Verb problem
does
show examples
not
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
an appropriate way to invest and manage it cannot become financially independent even after struggling too hard.
Additionally
, some bookworms in spite of getting higher scores, cannot get selected for job interviews because most companies are demanding better practical
skills
rather than higher study excellence. Nowadays, most students are achieving excellent grades,
hence
, to test their competency, companies are more inclined towards functional
skills
. In conclusion, having practical
skills
not only boosts our self-esteem and confidence but
also
provides us with various advanced scopes in our careers.
Hence
, every child,
as well as
adult, must know about some activities that others don't to make themselves special to others.
Submitted by aayushi.mehta145 on

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task response
Ensure that you fully address the question prompt and provide a clear opinion. It is important to present a balanced view, acknowledging both the importance of academic subjects and practical skills.
coherence cohesion
You have a good overall structure, but make sure to use clear topic sentences for each paragraph and ensure that your ideas flow logically.
lexical resource
Your use of vocabulary is generally appropriate, but try to incorporate more varied and specific vocabulary to enhance your essay.
grammatical range
Your grammar is mostly accurate, but be cautious of some sentence structures and verb tenses.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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