IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Prevention is better than cure. Do you agree or disagree that out of the country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health and education and preventive measures?

#prevention #cure #country’s #health #budget #proportion #treatment #education #measures
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The allocation of the nation’s
health
Use synonyms
 budget plays an integral part in the well-being of its
people
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. I agree that
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
 of
diseases
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 through
health
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 teachings and various modalities to avoid certain illnesses should have a greater percentage
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the total
health
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 share.
Health
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 education provides
people
Use synonyms
 with information that they need to maintain a healthy body, avoid injuries, and prevent
diseases
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.
Health
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 teaching and information dissemination
increases
Change the verb form
increase
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 the awareness of the
people
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 on different programs provided by the
government
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 that they can take advantage of to promote their
health
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 and wellness. It
also
Linking Words
 provides a venue for
health
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 care providers and
people
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 in authority to conduct seminars and conferences on how to avoid injuries and accidents at home and at work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 different
diseases
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, primarily
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 prevention and early detection will prevent individuals from getting the disease, thereby, averting them to go through extensive and expensive treatments later on. With
this
Linking Words
 approach, the
government
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 can save money and at the same time boost a healthier community.
In addition
Linking Words
, preventive measures and protocols when strictly observed and followed will have a great impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 minimizing, containing, and eventually stopping the spread of
diseases
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 and
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreasing
show examples
incidence
Add an article
the incidence
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 of accidents and injuries. Examples of
which
Correct pronoun usage
these
show examples
 are hand washing, immunization and vaccinations, wide distribution of barriers for sexually transmitted infections,
appropriate
Correct word choice
and appropriate
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 and safe equipment and
gears
Fix the agreement mistake
gear
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 for employees at work and for
people
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 at home
especially
Add the comma(s)
,especially
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 the kids. When these measures and protocols are observed,
spread
Add an article
the spread
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 of infection decreases and preventable
diseases
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 and accidents can be eliminated,
hence
Linking Words
, the
government
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 will not have to spend more on the treatment and rehabilitation of its
people
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. In conclusion, spending more on prevention rather than cure can significantly help the
government
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 achieve a healthy and safe community. By directing its resources on more essential aspects of
health
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, it is proactively promoting the
people
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’s optimum level of wellness
at
Correct word choice
while at
show examples
 the same time preventing any future illnesses and treatment.
Submitted by leola_8ef on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive measures
  • health education
  • treatment
  • health budget
  • divert
  • health problems
  • awareness
  • healthy habits
  • behaviors
  • vaccinations
  • screenings
  • check-ups
  • early detection
  • burden on the healthcare system
  • resources
  • infectious diseases
  • healthcare costs
  • quality of life
  • balancing
  • wellbeing
What to do next:
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