IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the past, people lived in one place for a long time, but now they can live in many different places, what are the reasons? Is this a positive or negative development?

#people #place #time #places #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Long ago,
people
Use synonyms
 lived in a single place for quite a long time but nowadays with globalisation and transport facilities,
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 easily across different towns and
countries
Use synonyms
. We will
further
Linking Words
 discuss
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the advantages of moving to different places and its inconveniences. Some
people
Use synonyms
 are so attached to their hometown
and
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 they find themselves in their comfort zone. So, they prefer to stay in their own town.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 decide to
move
Use synonyms
 to other places and
countries
Use synonyms
 for education purposes, for
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and to get the opportunity to learn the culture and traditions of
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 across the world. The advantages of working in several
countries
Use synonyms
 are that
people
Use synonyms
 can
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
learn about different cultures,
adapting
Wrong verb form
adapt
show examples
 themselves to several situations and they increase their knowledge skills.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they get experience globally which is an asset for the company they work for. When
people
Use synonyms
move
Use synonyms
 to another
country
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
workforce and helps in its economic development. Moving to another
country
Use synonyms
 may be an inconvenience as in some places, they could be welcomed but in other
countries
Use synonyms
, they can face discrimination or are even not accepted.
Unfortunately
Add a comma
,Unfortunately
show examples
 these
people
Use synonyms
 feel really depressed and they sometimes leave their families, so they feel lonely and sad.
However
Linking Words
, these situations make them grow and face the difficult world.
As
Change preposition
In
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
conclusion, I believe that there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 more positivity for someone to
move
Use synonyms
 to another
country
Use synonyms
 rather than negativity as one person moving to another
country
Use synonyms
 is enriched with cultures and knowledge.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
globalisation development.
Submitted by amandachokupermal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: