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Band 4.5

Children of ages 7-11 now spend more time watching television and/or playing video games than before. What are the effects of this on children, family and society?What are the possible solutions to this situation ?

#children #ages #time #television #video #games #effects #society #situation
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It has become common that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
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 school ages like to spend
time
Use synonyms
 on television which will impact the
life
Replace the word
lives
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 of young people as well as their parents and
on
Change preposition
apply
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society.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the effects and possible
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
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how
Change preposition
for how
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children
Use synonyms
 can balance
time
Use synonyms
 on indoor and outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
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. To commence with, there are multiple reasons why
children
Use synonyms
 in age group 7-11 are interested in watching cartoons and playing
video
Use synonyms
console related
Add a hyphen
console-related
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 games.
Linking Words
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost effect is by watching for a long period
Use synonyms
time
Change preposition
of time
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 their eyes get
Correct your spelling
affected
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effected
Correct your spelling
affected
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 must use spectacles at a young age.
In addition
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 to that, their immunity will be low due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of outdoor activity.
For example
Linking Words
, a famous
video
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 on YouTube
called
Add a missing verb
is called
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as
Change preposition
apply
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“Baby shark” the young
kids
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kids'
kid's
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 love
this
Linking Words
videos
Fix the agreement mistake
video
show examples
 in a way that. They tend to do the actions and sing songs of the characteristics in that
video
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 which is not good.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there are possible solutions where schools, parents and society should be equally responsible. There should be
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
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 parks in each
suburbs
Fix the agreement mistake
suburb
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.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
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 parks should have security guards and should have CCTV surveillance. Parents should spend
time
Use synonyms
 with kids by telling them stories and participating in art.
Children
Use synonyms
 should be motivated at school to play outdoor activities which improves their physical strength. To conclude, I want to reiterate that all provided arguments point out that
children
Use synonyms
 of ages 7-11
has
Change the verb form
have
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 adverse
of
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apply
show examples
health and lifestyle by watching
TV’s
Change noun form
TV
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 and playing
video
Use synonyms
 games. There should be motivated and encouraged of having a balanced
time
Use synonyms
 by having outdoor
activity
Fix the agreement mistake
activities
show examples
 and by playing
video
Use synonyms
 games.
Submitted by 09_hones_copy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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