IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

A person’s worth nowadays seems to be judged according to social status and material possessions. Old-fashioned values, such as honour, kindness and trust, no longer seem important. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#person’s #status #possessions #values #honour #kindness #trust
In today’s world, kindness,
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 and trust are less important of a value, rather flamboyant life on social
media
 is
regard
Change the form of the verb
regarded
show examples
 as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
measure
 of financial achievement. It
is disagreed
Change to the active voice
disagrees
has disagreed
show examples
 that the individual’s worth should be based on material things
such
 as affluent
display
 of
wealth
. Subsequent analysis of my reasons will prove
this
. To start with, social
media
 status is
deception
Correct article usage
a deception
show examples
.
For instance
, research has it that a lot of
people
 who show off riches on social
media
 are either depressed or really poor. The illusive life on social
media
 is to paint a life some
people
 wish they had not what they are at present. In
this
 light, it is important to note that social
media
 cannot be used to value peoples’ financial worth.
Furthermore
, the public
display
 of
wealth
 in
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
gathering
Fix the agreement mistake
gatherings
show examples
 is outright
oppression
.
For example
, the criminal department of some African countries published that some youths who venture into crime due to
oppression
 in their society or in the virtual space later
finds
Change the verb form
find
show examples
 out that these supposed rich
people
 are really not as rich as they
seems
Change the verb form
seem
show examples
. Actual rich
people
 do not publicly
display
 their riches rather they engage in community development programs to give back to their society. Clearly, public
show off
Add a hyphen
show-off
show examples
 of
wealth
 is
oppression
 which cannot be used as a prerequisite to
measure
wealth
. Conclusively, trust,
honor
Change the spelling
honour
show examples
 and kindness are the true
measure
Change the noun form
measures
show examples
 of
wealth
. The deception and
oppression
 are the only
disaster
Change the noun form
disasters
show examples
 the public
display
 of physical health brings to the table. It
is disagreed
Change to the active voice
disagrees
has disagreed
show examples
 that social
media
 status and oppressing the public with
display
Add an article
a display
show examples
 of
wealth
 is a means to
measure
wealth
.
Submitted by tounadekunle.tijani on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social status
  • Material possessions
  • Old-fashioned values
  • Honour
  • Kindness
  • Trust
  • Judged
  • Importance
  • Traditional
  • Reflection
  • Achievements
  • Hard work
  • Disregarded
  • Well-balanced
  • Meaningful
  • Cultural norms
  • Societal norms
What to do next:
Look at other essays: