IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people view giving presents as an important way to show care to family and friends, others think there are more important things that can be done to show care and love. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #show #care #friends #love
The majority of
people
 think giving presents is the main way to show
care
 to family and friends.While other
people
's view is that showing
care
 and
love
 is more important.As far as my opinion is concerned, I am with those
people
 who think showing
care
 and
love
 to the family is more important.
To begin
 with,who thinks only a present is enough for
people
 it's wrong only your present didn'
t
 give them any type of support families need
love
 and
care
 from their children.Not giving them that thing and telling them you are with them by sitting with them and when they need your
care
 you don'
t
 give them
care
 they will feel unhappy because of that.
On the other hand
,
people
 who give attention to their
parents
love
 them a lot and they
care
 about them.Their
parents
 are one of the lucky
people
 all over the world because nowadays kids didn'
t
 give attention to their
parents
 when they get old they take them to old houses and enjoy their life with their wives and never return back to their
parents
.Children who show
care
 and
love
 to their
parents
 are the best ones because everyone has to die if they spend a good
time
 with their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
parents
 will be happy with them and give them prayers for their whole life. To conclude the essay, I must say that please spend your
time
 with your
parents
 because one day their
parents
 will die and you will remember the good
time
 which you have spent with your
parents
 and please don'
t
 put them in old houses they
love
 you and want to spend their
time
 with you
Submitted by mj608538 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: