The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that
women
’s situation has improved dramatically in the majority of societies during the
last
50 years, but unfortunately, there are still some countries where the equality of genders leaves much to be desired. I strongly believe that those
women
who lived in
the
Change the article
apply
show examples
1960-1970 would be struck by the great change that has occurred in the world in terms of female rights.
Women
in the West have made great headway in the fields of
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
show examples
and
employments
Fix the agreement mistake
employment
show examples
. Very often
women
out-achieve men educationally
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and are entering occupations and professions that would once have been out of bounds. Successful female entrepreneurs appear in different business magazines on a regular basis. Nowadays it is not surprising to see
women
in the Parliament, or even in the position of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prime minister or
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
president. And we must admit that in many cases they are doing very well for their countries. A great example is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
German chancellor Angela Merkel, who has made many positive things for her
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
show examples
, preventing big conflicts and economic crises.
However
, if we look at the details, we still can observe some inequality in employment, it is not a rare case when men are being paid more for the same amount of work.
In addition
,
women
still make
the
Change preposition
up the
show examples
overwhelming majority
among
Change preposition
of
show examples
secretaries
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and suffer from sexual abuse from their bosses.
Moreover
,
women
are generally responsible for child caring and housework, so many
women
actually have two jobs at the same time, one in the office from 9 till 6 and another one
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
at home. In conclusion, undoubtfully
women
’s position has been improved, but
still
Add a comma
,still
show examples
gender equality has not been achieved, yet. So
women
from all over the world should put their efforts together on it.
Submitted by riveraeka55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: