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Band 4.5

For Centuries, Important Parts Of Education Have Remained Such As Reading, Writing And Maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. To what extent do you agree?

#centuries #parts #education #maths #advent #computers #people #computer #skills #skill #list
The traditional education system has been changed by the invention of
computers
.
Computers
 are used in every corner of life from learning to science. Absolutely, we can claim that the
computer
 is an inseparable part of society. I thought the popularity of
computers
are
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 growing. Some skills were indispensable parts of the teaching fields like writing and reading. Because almost all transactions were done by people.
Therefore
, individuals must have some
abilities
Fix the agreement mistake
ability
show examples
 to commit transactions like accounting, writing documents and saving information.
However
, there is no expertise to do these activities, as the
computer
 is the specialist to do everything.
For instance
, complex
maths
Fix the agreement mistake
math
show examples
 problems that cannot be solved through people have a solution.
Thus
, the fame of
computer
 technology is increasing, because they have numerous advantages.
To begin
 with, unlike in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 a person could write thousands of pages of notes and save them without the need for more storage fields.
Additionally
, communication is not hard
in contrast
 to the past and the cost of communication is not important with the discovery of
computer
 technology.
Moreover
, the treatment of diseases is easier thanks to
computers
.
Furthermore
, transportation of commodities to other places is not a problem at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
present. Even,
computer
 technologies make it possible to visit space.
İn
Correct your spelling
In
this
 context, the
computer
 is at the top of the list.
As a result
 of plenty of advantages, the education system has concentrated on teaching
computer
 skills.
İn
Correct your spelling
In
 conclusion, the new trend in education is teaching
computer
 abilities. There are numerous benefits of
computers
 and the popularity of
computers
 always goes up.
Submitted by evren on

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Task Response
The essay does not address the prompt fully. It needs to discuss the extent to which computer skills should be made the fourth skill in education, but the essay only focuses on the advantages of computers. Make sure to answer the specific question asked in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more developed. The essay lacks clear topic sentences for each main point and there is a lack of logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Work on clearly linking ideas and using cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.

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