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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

For Centuries, Important Parts Of Education Have Remained Such As Reading, Writing And Maths. With the advent of computers, some people think that computer skills be made as fourth skill to the list. To what extent do you agree?

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The traditional education system has been changed by the invention of
computers
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.
Computers
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 are used in every corner of life from learning to science. Absolutely, we can claim that the
computer
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 is an inseparable part of society. I thought the popularity of
computers
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are
Wrong verb form
was
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 growing. Some skills were indispensable parts of the teaching fields like writing and reading. Because almost all transactions were done by people.
Therefore
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, individuals must have some
abilities
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ability
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 to commit transactions like accounting, writing documents and saving information.
However
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, there is no expertise to do these activities, as the
computer
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 is the specialist to do everything.
For instance
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, complex
maths
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math
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 problems that cannot be solved through people have a solution.
Thus
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, the fame of
computer
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 technology is increasing, because they have numerous advantages.
To begin
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 with, unlike in the
past
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past,
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 a person could write thousands of pages of notes and save them without the need for more storage fields.
Additionally
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, communication is not hard
in contrast
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 to the past and the cost of communication is not important with the discovery of
computer
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 technology.
Moreover
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, the treatment of diseases is easier thanks to
computers
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.
Furthermore
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, transportation of commodities to other places is not a problem at
the
Correct article usage
apply
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present. Even,
computer
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 technologies make it possible to visit space.
İn
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In
this
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 context, the
computer
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 is at the top of the list.
As a result
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 of plenty of advantages, the education system has concentrated on teaching
computer
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 skills.
İn
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In
 conclusion, the new trend in education is teaching
computer
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 abilities. There are numerous benefits of
computers
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 and the popularity of
computers
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 always goes up.

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Task Response
The essay does not address the prompt fully. It needs to discuss the extent to which computer skills should be made the fourth skill in education, but the essay only focuses on the advantages of computers. Make sure to answer the specific question asked in the prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they need to be more developed. The essay lacks clear topic sentences for each main point and there is a lack of logical progression of ideas throughout the essay. Work on clearly linking ideas and using cohesive devices to improve coherence and cohesion.
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