IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
The bar chart compares the number of
people
 who attend different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
os
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 entertainment
Correct your spelling
activities
activiries
Correct your spelling
activities
 in 2009. The form illustrates various prices of events,
such
 as football
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
, theme parks and
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas
show examples
, and shows prices of one
tickets
Change to a singular noun
ticket
show examples
 and family
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
. It is clear from the
first
 chart that the admissions in
cinema
 had by far the highest population among
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 types of entertainment, which accounted for over 1,000 thousand
people
 in 2009.
However
,
sports
 activity represents the lowest
Correct your spelling
attendance
attendace
Correct your spelling
attendance
, standing at under 200 thousand
people
. And for the number of admission to theme parks had twofold
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
sports
 purposes. Looking into more detail in the
second
 chart, we can see that the admission
price
 of
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 shows the lowest
price
 ($15), whereas the football games with various categories had
relatively
Add an article
a relatively
show examples
 higher
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 than any other activities. Especially on Football Game – AFL ($75), the
price
 is five times as high as the fee
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cinema
 ($15). Overall, it is obvious that the admission fee
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
cinema
 is the cheapest
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
show examples
 among all the types, while
sports
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
the
Add a missing verb
are the
show examples
expensive
Correct quantifier usage
most expensive
show examples
price
.
As a result
, it is
unstandable
Correct your spelling
understandable
 there are more
people
Correct pronoun usage
who go
show examples
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to
cinema
Add an article
the cinema
show examples
 than
sports
Add an article
a sports
show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
.
Submitted by dona32939 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: