In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar chart compares the number of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who attend different
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds

It seems that kind may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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Correct your spelling
of

The word os doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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os
Correct your spelling
of

The word os doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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entertainment
Correct your spelling
activities
Correct your spelling
activities

If you don’t want activiries to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

activiries
Correct your spelling
activities
in 2009. The form illustrates various prices of events,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as football
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games

It seems that game may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, theme parks and
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cinema
Fix the agreement mistake
cinemas

It seems that cinema may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, and shows prices of one
tickets
Change to a singular noun
ticket

The singular quantifier one is followed by the plural noun tickets. Consider changing the noun to the singular or using a different quantifier.

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and family
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets

It seems that ticket may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. It is clear from the
first
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

chart that the admissions in
cinema
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

had by far the highest population among
three
Correct article usage
the three

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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types of entertainment, which accounted for over 1,000 thousand
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in 2009.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

activity represents the lowest
Correct your spelling
attendance
Correct your spelling
attendance

If you don’t want attendace to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

attendace
Correct your spelling
attendance
, standing at under 200 thousand
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

. And for the number of admission to theme parks had twofold
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
the
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

purposes. Looking into more detail in the
second
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

chart, we can see that the admission
price
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
shows the lowest
price
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

($15), whereas the football games with various categories had
relatively
Add an article
a relatively

The noun phrase relatively higher cost seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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higher
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs

It seems that cost may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
than any other activities. Especially on Football Game – AFL ($75), the
price
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is five times as high as the fee
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
cinema
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

($15). Overall, it is obvious that the admission fee
of
Change preposition
for

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
cinema
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is the cheapest
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event

It seems that events may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
among all the types, while
sports
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show

It seems that the verb shows does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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the
Add a missing verb
are the

It seems that you are missing a verb. Consider adding it.

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expensive
Correct quantifier usage
most expensive

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

show examples
price
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
As a result
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it is
unstandable
Correct your spelling
understandable

If you don’t want unstandable to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

there are more
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Correct pronoun usage
who go
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
who go

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

show examples
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
to
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
cinema
Add an article
the cinema

The noun phrase cinema seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
than
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sports
Add an article
a sports

The noun phrase sports game seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games

It seems that game may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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