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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Scientists advise people to lead a healthy lifestyle, but most people continue with unhealthy activities. Why do you think it is and what can do with it?e

#scientists #people #lifestyle #activities #e
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In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years, young and old
people
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 are having
lots
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 of health issues and scientists advise
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 lead a healthy
lifestyle
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. Though there are many campaigns raising awareness for a healthy
lifestyle
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,
people
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 tend to continue with unhealthy
activities
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.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine the various reasons behind it and will put some solutions for the same.
Firstly
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, long ago,
people
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 were working in fields, walking long distances to reach their work and they were doing jobs which require
lots
Use synonyms
 of energy. But nowadays, with modernisation,
people
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 work in
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an office
the office
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office
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offices
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 and use their cars to travel.
Hence
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, they do not burn enough calories and
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consequently
Add a comma
,consequently
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 they tend to become obese. Previously,
people
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 were eating
food
Use synonyms
 which they were producing themselves, they were
also
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 cultivating their own crops, were breeding
Correct your spelling
cattle
cattles
Correct your spelling
cattle
 and hens. Now,
most
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for most
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 of the
food
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 that we consume, we need to buy them.
As a result
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, most
food
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 that we consume
are
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is
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 processed
food
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, which
contain
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contains
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 more fats, calories and sugars.
Moreover
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,
people
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 prefer to buy ready-made
food
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 like pizzas, burgers and other packed foods which are eventually worsening
people
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's health.
Additionally
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, with the progression of technologies,
people
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's
lifestyle
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 has changed immensely,
people
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 prefer to watch movies on Netflix and
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
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 junk foods,
therefore
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, they do not practice sports. Inadvertently,
people
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 are suffering from high blood pressure,
Correct your spelling
diabetes
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 and
lots
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 of cardiac complications. We are seeing
lots
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 of campaigns to make
people
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 aware of doing sport but
this
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 is not helping a lot. Today,
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 has become expensive
such
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 as
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such as
Remove the redundancy
apply
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gyms,
zumba
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Zumba
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 sessions, yoga and other
activities
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 which are unfortunately luxuries that
people
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 cannot afford. The government should provide free
activities
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 to
people
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 in
th
Correct your spelling
the
 incapacity to afford
such
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 fees and even more, many women having children have not enough support to practice sports,
for example
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, the government can provide
free
Add an article
a free
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 nursery for their kids, allowing these women to practice some
activities
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 In conclusion, I believe that there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 much more to be done by the local authorities to encourage
people
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 to have a healthy
lifestyle
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. I am convinced that each individual is conscious of the consequences of unhealthy habits, so they should take the
first
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 step to take control of their health and have the will to change their old habits.
Submitted by amandachokupermal on

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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