IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmers (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or reaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmers #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
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It is believed by some individuals that unpaid public
service
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 should be considered
as
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apply
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a mandatory part of high school curriculums. I utterly agree with
this
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 idea and the reasons why
such
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 free
community
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 services should be a compulsory plan at high school will briefly be summarized as follows. There are two substantial causes of devising
this
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 plan in terms of responsibility and
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sense
Correct article usage
a sense
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 of satisfaction.
First
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 and foremost, it is beneficial for children to learn how they are able to enhance their responsibilities in their social lives. To illustrate more, if providing some public Services
such
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 as working for a charity become a compulsory program for
students
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, they will be duty-bound to help poverty-stricken people, as a consequence of which being responsible for poor society members will be a part of their duties in upcoming future. A study conducted in London
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
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revealed that the children who had been studying in high schools where unpaid
community
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service
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 was obligatory had turned into more responsible adults compared to the
students
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 who had been
educating
Wrong verb form
educated
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 in schools where unpaid public
service
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 was an optional activity.
Hence
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,
this
Linking Words
 idea could be beneficial for
students
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, since it helps them to improve their responsibilities.
Secondly
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,
such
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 a compulsory plan gives children a
sense
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 of satisfaction. To demonstrate more, adolescents will be admired by the individuals receiving unpaid
community
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 services, which makes
contribution
Add an article
a contribution
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 to
the
Correct article usage
a
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sense
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 of fulfilment for
students
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;
also
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 will be encouraged to do these activities forever. To take more example, if
students
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 teach younger pupils some activities
such
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 as exercising or turning their weaknesses
to
Change preposition
into
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 strengths, they will be acclaimed by those pupils’ parents;
also
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 some educational authorities give them valuable prizes for encouragement. So, in
this
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 situation, these compulsory programs give
students
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 a
sense
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 of satisfaction. To conclude,
this
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 writer is of the opinion that if unpaid
community
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service
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 becomes a mandatory activity for adolescents in high school, it will bring numerous benefits to them.
First
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, it gives them a
sense
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 of fulfilment,
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moreover
Add a comma
,moreover
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 their responsibility will be improved.
Submitted by mehri.qobadi66 on

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