IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that Others argue that it is more important to spend time with friends and family than at work. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #friends #work
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
people
 assume that you have to take your
time
 for progressing
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
successful job.
However
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
think
Correct your spelling
thing
show examples
 that you are ought to put your loved ones
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 place. In my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
both
 family, friends and an employee are very important in an individual’s
time
 and
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
time
 should be spent on
both
. On one hand, the profession of an individual enhances him to achieve his desired goals,
such
 as a steady financial
set up
Correct your spelling
set-up
show examples
 and mental satisfaction throughout his
life
, which are often considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most vital factor in a successful human
life
. They feel it would allow a person to be self-reliant in his
life
 to a greater extent. It
further
 leads him to become self-motivated and independent to handle the challenges in his
life
.
For instance
, it is noted that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 high profile
people
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society are comfortably able to maintain a sound social status and they are often viewed as successful in their
life
.
On the other hand
, family and friends have a more vital role in each individual’s
life
 span, since they are the ones who may prove more beneficial in case of emotional well-being and support. To be clearer, a family member or a friend can offer a person a higher level of comfort and happiness than what he gets from
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
job satisfaction. At times of difficulty, he can seek assistance from either of these groups and they are most likely to be at your help. They add that if a person spends quality
time
 with their family or friends, they can feel relaxed and happy and can shed out their frustrations and tensions handled
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their working hours In conclusion, I think that
both
 are very important and it is more of a person’s preferences.
However
,
both
career
Correct pronoun usage
your career
show examples
 and the
people
 you love should be in your consideration, and I believe that
people
 can have plans and schedules to spend
time
 for
both
.
Submitted by ismailcabuga on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: