IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries today there are many highly qualified graduates without employment. What factors may have caused this situation and what, in your opinion, can/should be done about it?

#countries #graduates #employment #factors #situation
A lot of people say that graduating from top universities with
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
GPA
Fix the agreement mistake
GPAs
show examples
 will certainly lay a wider road to a decent
job
 afterwards. Doing that doesn't involve rocket science, but it doesn't mean that it's not complicated. Sadly, many
high ranking
Add a hyphen
high-ranking
show examples
 students from renowned universities end up jobless for months or even years after their graduation. In my opinion, there are many factors to
this
 and some of the most prominent ones will be elaborated
as
Change preposition
on as
show examples
 follows.
First
 of all, there's always an abundance of
graduates
 from a myriad of majors ready for lines of work at distinct companies. But the problem lies in the capability of the graduate to match
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
job
's needs, barking up the wrong tree per se. In many cases that I've observed, people tend to apply
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 jobs or with
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 preparations.
For example
, an individual who wants to apply for a data analyst puts details on how he completed various projects in accounting.
This
 irrelevance in
hardskills
Correct your spelling
hard skills
 causes rejections to said person's application. Another point is that some of these
graduates
' mindset is distorted by a range of mental factors. Some people are deterred by their low motivation, allowing themselves to wallow
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their past failures
instead
 of learning from them. The others
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 too much of a high ego that results
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 refusing to cut their losses and having the belief that the small paying
Add a hyphen
entry-level
show examples
entry level
Add a hyphen
entry-level
show examples
job
 is not worth it. These disturbances
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
 one to stay in a loop that never ends,
hence
 the reason why they are still unemployed until they get it out of their system.
Lastly
 and the factor that has the most effect
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 unemployment is the lack of
softskill
Correct your spelling
soft skill
soft skills
soft-skill
 development in an individual. Skills like communication, leadership, and project management are essential points that one needs in their endeavours as an employee. Without it, an expert in
technicals
Fix the agreement mistake
technical
show examples
 can't convey their ideas, coordinate their team, and control their projects.
Which
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is why it becomes an important factor in candidate selection. To address
this
 problem there is but one simple solution. Each university needs to make sure that
graduates
 have the necessary knowledge and skills to tackle these three factors. By
acknowlegding
Correct your spelling
acknowledging
 it, those
graduates
 will be able to develop plans to make themselves
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better
candidate
Fix the agreement mistake
candidates
show examples
 for any
job
 selection process.
This
 can be done as simply as providing a small guidebook for final year students, or as big as creating a
1 week
Add a hyphen
1-week
show examples
 workshop session to boost their
graduates
' understanding of the concerns.
Submitted by IELTS_8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: