An increasing trend nowadays is for young adults to olay computer games. Some people say this is a negative development. Discuss and give your opinion.

In
this
contemporary epoch,
computer
games
have become the most important thing to do in our leisure
time
. whilst proponents believe that
adults
are consuming more
time
playing
computer
games
, opponents have a diverse view.
However
, I am a staunch believer that those
games
have a negative
effect
on us, especially on our health and our welfare. In
this
essay, my contention will be
further
explained. In the beginning, neuroscientists believe that older people who play
computer
games
can develop better reflexes in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
In other words
, if an adult plays
computer
games
for 3 hours on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
show examples
basis, he may have a better reflex toward any critical situation in his life.
This
happens because these
games
, especially First To Shoot
games
need better concentration which will lead to a better reflex. An eminent example is Shroud, who is the best player in the world who plays First To Shoot
games
, who has 10 milliseconds reflex, as he always plays these types of
games
, and he is always in consistent training.
Hence
, what can be said is that when
adults
use
computer
games
, they can
play
Verb problem
have
show examples
a paramount
effect
on their health.
Nevertheless
, opponents and I hold the belief that
computer
games
have a detrimental
effect
on older people. To clarify, if
adults
consume more
time
playing
games
,
this
will have a malignant
effect
on their welfare, as they will pay a plethora of money to buy released
games
. A salient example is
adults
in Egypt who spend about half of their money on buying new
games
.
Furthermore
, these
games
will consume a plethora of their
time
, as they will stay long nights to play these
games
.
This
will have a deleterious
effect
on their work, as they will not be able to wake up early to go to their work.
Therefore
, the
computer
games
which are played by
adults
can have a negative
effect
on their lives. In conclusion,
after
this
essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it has been commonly assumed that the demerits of
computer
games
outweigh their merits. I believe that
although
computer
games
are played in leisure
time
, they can consume our
time
and money,
Submitted by ahmadhassan1694 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
The logical structure needs improvement. There are issues with the introduction and conclusion. Work on clearly presenting and supporting main points.
task achievement
The essay does not completely respond to the task question. The ideas are not fully developed, and examples are not consistently relevant.
Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: