IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion *Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience*.

#people #situation #job #shortage #money #situations #*give #experience*
In the life of every
person
Add a comma
,person
show examples
 there are unexpected
situations
 from which it is difficult to find a way out,
such
 as an unsatisfactory job,
redundant
Replace the word
redundancy
show examples
 or lack of money. By
handful
Add an article
a handful
show examples
 of people, it is believed, that in bad
situations
 it is the best to accept.
However
, other think
that is
 better to try and improve
such
situations
. I consider, that it is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best to find a way out. I live by the principle of one wise quotation: Give up only after the fight. Though,
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 what reason do many people hold the view,
it
Correct word choice
that it
show examples
 is better to give up?
Firstly
, lack of motivation. If they already experienced
such
 hard
situations
, they stop
believe
Change the form of the verb
believing
show examples
 in themselves. Undoubtedly, nobody wants to lose again and again, especially, if they are not self-confident or even depressed.
Secondly
, it is the easiest way out. Fighting takes energy,
time
Correct word choice
and time
show examples
, it is not the best choice for lazy or
irresposible
Correct your spelling
irresponsible
 people. Human psychology works to choose the easiest solution. I am strongly in favour of
Add an article
a piece
show examples
piece
Correct your spelling
peace
show examples
 of mind, that you should not just accept
situation
Add an article
the situation
show examples
 and live like that. If you even do not get
result
Add an article
a result
the result
show examples
, still try to.
For instance
, my friend tried to enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great universities. She applied to the Harvard, Princeton,
Yale
Correct word choice
and Yale
show examples
 universities but
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 rejected. She
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 not given up, and she was accepted to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Stanford university with
100
Correct article usage
a 100
show examples
% scholarship! I am sure, that after that fight, she deserves it!
Secondly
, if you do not try, you will never know, what you can do,
what
Correct word choice
and what
show examples
 power
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
you have. To conclude, I would reiterate, that each person should try to improve their condition.
Submitted by milyyy.aaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: