IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of advertisements which try to persuade children to buy snacks, toys, and other goods. Parents often claim that these ads are unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#countries #advertisements #children #snacks #toys #goods #parents #ads
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At the present time,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ads
 become a wider part of some nations and
adverts
enticing
Wrong verb form
entice people
show examples
 to pick up the products and meals which people
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
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 the advertisement. Parents think that
this
 kind of
adverts
Fix the agreement mistake
advert
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are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 unbalanced. In my opinion, advertisements are
bring
Wrong verb form
bringing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
way more boons to search out goods which is challenging to find it. Some parents argued that all of the
adverts
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 been showing
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
simply encourage their commodities
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 injustice way.
This
 is because, when children observe fast food or
toy’s
Change noun form
toy
show examples
adverts
 after they
going
Wrong verb form
go
show examples
 to buy it,
although
 they do not want to do
this things
Change the determiner
this thing
these things
show examples
.
For instance
, my neighbour said that his children are desiring to purchase the goods which they watched
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
ads
. Certainly
such
 kind of development might be
mildly
Add an article
a mildly
the mildly
show examples
 discriminatory method for individuals.
However
, I believe meals, toys, devices and
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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 products’ advertising is beneficial sources for mankind’s easy living. Humans may
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
find everything easily
who
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 is challenging with the search. Take an example, my brother
try
Wrong verb form
tried
show examples
 to buy clothes and footwear which was
saw
Wrong verb form
seen
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
ads
, because of
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 fashion and good quality. So many companies trying to install
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 everything and to
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 these things for people’s benefit. To recapitulate, though there are some
unfairness
Replace the word
unfair
show examples
 features of
ads
, I consider that
adverts
 are bringing more mod cons for us.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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