IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#children #families #amounts #money #adult #life #parents
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Most
of
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apply
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the people who were grown
poverty
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in poverty
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 or not a huge
amounts
Correct the article-noun agreement
amount
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 of
money
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 will be more prepared to deal with financial
problems
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 and
issues
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 rather than
group
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a group
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 of people
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have a
luxury
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luxurious
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 life. I hundred
percent
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per cent
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 agree with
this
Linking Words
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statement
statemnt
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statement
 which in
this
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 essay will
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discuss
disccuss
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discuss
.
To begin
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 with,
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children
children's
childrens
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children
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 who born in not a wealthy situation and atmosphere have a better
undrestand
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understand
 about financial
issues
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, because their
parents
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 and family
are always have
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always have
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 to deal with these type of
problems
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 and
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children
children's
childrens
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children
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 in home
wil
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will
 learn from their
gurdians
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guardians
 and their knowledge will increase about what issue should deal in future.
For example
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, a family in
rental
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a rental
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 house has to always save
money
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 for their rent, while if they have children, they will learn to always be aware of their
money
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 and bills.
Thus
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,
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Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
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children
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 will learn from their
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parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
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 behaviour and actions.
However
Linking Words
, the children who
grows
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grow
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in
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up in
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wealthy
Add an article
the wealthy
a wealthy
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 and rich family
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
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 not have any
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perspective
prespective
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perspective
of
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on
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 how
problems
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 can be. It means, their
parents
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 always buy whatever they want and they do not talk about bills and
such
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these
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apply
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things,
as a
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result
Add a comma
,result
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 their
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Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
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children
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 will never what
problems
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 can happen if
you
Correct pronoun usage
they
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 do not have
a
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apply
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money
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.
For instance
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, young
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Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
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children
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which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 have a rich father
are not worry
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are not worried
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 about their future house or
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vehicle
vehichle
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vehicle
 because they did not even think about it to find a way or work to make
a
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apply
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money
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 to reach their
deams
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dreams
.
Hence
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, when
parents
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 do not talk about
money
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 and financial
issues
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 their children will not have
a
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apply
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any concern or knowledge about those
problems
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. To conclude,
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Correct your spelling
children
children's
childrens
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children
show examples
 who were grown
in
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up in
show examples
 wealthy
family
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families
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 and
community
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communities
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 have no clues or
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perspective
prespective
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perspective
 about financial
problems
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 or
issues
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such
Linking Words
 that,
however
Linking Words
, on
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the
their
ther
Correct article usage
the ther
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 hand in poverty
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Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 will learn what are the
problems
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 and how they can deal with them.
Submitted by jaberi.mahyar on

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