For Many people, the the reason they work hard is to earn more money. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Money
Use synonyms
is very important in our lives in the time of age, and many people
work
Use synonyms
their hardest to earn as much of it as they can. I disagree that people should only
work
Use synonyms
for
money
Use synonyms
, I believe that working should be about something bigger than
money
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I fully disagree that
money
Use synonyms
should be the main reason that a person works hard. In my opinion, hard
work
Use synonyms
should be about
self fulfilment
Add a hyphen
self-fulfilment
show examples
and job satisfaction. Working hardly and
passionatley
Correct your spelling
passionately
passionate
will bring better
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
than working for
money
Use synonyms
alone.
For Example
Linking Words
, I started working
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
IT
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
years back, because that's what I love, and what I know I will succeed in and that
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
in me making more
money
Use synonyms
than I could ever imagine.
Secondly
Linking Words
, working hard has to be about improving
someones
Change to a genitive case
someone's
show examples
skills and abilities. A hard worker will climb the ladders in his company, and showing that it's all he
care
Change the verb form
cares
show examples
about is
money
Use synonyms
won't get him up fast. Hard
work
Use synonyms
will
improving
Change the verb form
improve
be improving
show examples
someones
Change to a genitive case
someone's
show examples
character and
Correct your spelling
personality
personnalite
Correct your spelling
personality
will
Correct word choice
and will
show examples
force people to recognize
Correct pronoun usage
them for
him for
her for
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his achievements.
For instance
Linking Words
, I was granted a bonus
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
weeks back because of my hard
work
Use synonyms
, and because
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
showed no interest in the
money
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
money
Use synonyms
must not be the reason for
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
persons
Change to a genitive case
person's
show examples
hard
work
Use synonyms
. Improving your skills and
Correct your spelling
abilities
abilites
Correct your spelling
abilities
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
will help you climb the ladder at your company.
In addition
Linking Words
,
self fulfilment
Add a hyphen
self-fulfilment
show examples
wont
Add an apostrophe
won't
show examples
come
Change the verb form
comes
show examples
from working for
money
Use synonyms
, it will come from working because you love what you are doing.
Submitted by ghamdiyasser on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • necessities
  • monetary rewards
  • quality of life
  • luxury items
  • dependents
  • responsibility
  • pursue
  • personal interests
  • cultural pressures
  • wealth accumulation
  • fulfillment
  • visible measure
  • correlate
  • secure future
  • comfortable lifestyle
  • entertainment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: