The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate student who did not
The bar chart demonstrates what British
alumnus
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alumni
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and postgraduates did except for full-time employers after their graduation in 2008.
Overall
,
further
study was the most common choice among both
alumnus
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alumni
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and postgraduates,
whereas
voluntary work was done by the least amount of students from each group.
Also
, most of the figures for
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the doctor
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doctor
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doctors
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were ten times higher than the figures for postgraduates.
To begin
with, the figure for alum, who studied by
further
education was the highest, standing at approximately 30,000. The next most popular choice among graduate students was part-time workers who were around 17,000, slightly higher than unemployed alum.
In contrast
, the least number of alum did voluntary work, which was 3500. It is clear to see from the illustration that most of the postgraduate students decided to study
further
(2725) or do a part-time job (2535).
Moreover
, less than 2000 postgraduate scholars were unemployed in the given year,
whereas
only 345 people from
this
group worked voluntarily.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further, whereas".
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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